Life in the Rough - A Liar's Game?

[WCW]

Hope, it's nice to hear that you and H are working thru the hurt and anger. There is a long road ahead.

Are you contacting family and telling them about H and his PA? If so, what is the intent and purpose in doing so?

[MT35]

Hope, Sorry, I thought that your sons knew about the EA. I do understand about defending yourself, I feel like I do that a bunch. My parents don't know about the A either, just we are having problems. I am sure for them to look at us, though they would never know. I feel for you and send you big hugs!! Take care.

[1hope]

No, I am not contacting family members and telling them about the PA. They did know about the EA, and that we were having troubles. The OW & her H live close to where my first H and I lived and are still friends with my sons. Their oldest and my sons (22 & 25) were in school together, sports etc. It is a small town, I guess I am not surprised.

My S22 came out and asked me. I won't lie to him. I am tired of the lies.

On the other hand my MIL called me today (while H was out) to see how I was doing and to offer support.

I will get thru this. One breath at a time.

[WCW]

Oh I see. It just sounded different but sometimes I can't hear what I read very good.

I wouldn't lie about it either. After all these years 2 of my sisters heard rumors and confronted me this summer. I answered as honest as I could but I didn't offer any details and downplayed it at the time. They caught me off guard!

I hope you enjoyed your day off and got some comfort time.

[kelaaron]

Hope talked to her this afternoon. She is hanging in.

[kelaaron]

Morning. Having my coffee and catching up. Been in and out but not paying much attention. Got decorations done yesterday, took S to mall, very busy day after a lazy weekend.

Hope you are doing good. You know it takes time to process all of this. And you really did have an encounter of sorts this weekend. Hang in there.

[MT35]

Morning Hope, Enjoy your coffee! Hope the rest of your evening was good. Take care and enjoy you busy day at work. When you are busy it does make the day go faster!

[1hope]

I guess processing is the right word. All kinds of things keep coming into my mind. Some painful, some not so much, some with the power to make me stop breathing.

I feel like a kid and I just want to beat my fists on the floor and cry "why, why, why?"

H has said some very nice things, and I guess I need to think about those when I stop breathing. He told me yesterday that he never wanted to cause me this kind of pain again. The hurting child part of me thinks that he doesn't have a clue as to what kind of pain I am in, and for a few seconds I really wish he could experience it. Then I remember that I love him and I really don't want him to feel this. But her, I don't love her, and I would gladly let her experience it.

Round and round my mind goes.

[Babygirl]

hey namesake, i missed you. honey, I feel the exact same way, in fact, say that exact same thing, then try to remember the why sermon that sunday at church.
its snowing here!! ugh! couldnt deer hunt as i couldnt see the hedge row lol!
love you!

[1hope]

Missed you too BG! Thanks for checking on me, I'm glad to hear from you, I was worried.

My feelings are really bouncing around. Grief, sorrow, anger, disbelief, sadness, disgust, shock, etc. etc. I would guess you are too.

Thank God we don't have a baby from his A to deal with, the video that I see playing every time I close my eyes is about all that I can handle.

On the day that he finally confessed I was pretty much howling with pain. Because he was finally being honest with me he answered every stupid, nasty detail that I screamed in question to him. Now that's all that I see. I suppose that in time those images will fade, as we add more good memories of our own. Right now it's pretty painful.

By the way, I stopped asking questions. But the damage was already done. Knowing myself, I suppose that I would rather know the truth instead of the wild things my mind would cook up.

I think that the worst thing for me is that having been thru this with my 1st H, the guy that I married the second time was truly my friend, or at least I believed him to be. Before his vows, he promised to me that he would never cheat on me, and I so believed him. I truly thought that I was special. I thought that we were special, and although sometimes I worried about many things, I never, ever, really believed that he would cheat on me. I knew the EA, but I really didn't believe he could/would have sex with another woman.

Guess he sure proved me wrong. I am so sad. I am beyond trust at this point, I feel that we can have a good marriage eventually, but that specialness is gone.

By the way, I was wondering what the rest of you did, but after his confession I took my rings off. Seeing them on only reminds me of the promise that he broke. I put them away. I just can't even look at them now.