Kakatal...I have been reading your updates but haven't posted to you in a while...I will try to get over to your post later today and do that.
And an update for me...
A little over a week ago, my fiance had an epiphany. Basically it was in the sort of DAM (dumb ass man) mode of epiphanies. The type where a man suddenly becomes aware of what his wife has been saying all this time....things like:
*Please don't talk to me like I am on one of your construction crews, I need you to be softer to me in general, and especially when speaking to me.
*Please make time for us to do something besides work work work all the time. I need your presence in my life, not just the work you do for me. I will work for you too, but not 100% of the time. You don't see the work I do for you by supporting you while YOU work all the time, and its killing me. I need a break from it.
*Please remember that when your stress levels go up, I can help you with that IF you don't shut me out. I understand the cave, but yet, you must understand that you are SUPPOSED to turn toward your loving woman to help you with this...not retreat further and further from me. I will give you some space and time for your caving....but eventually you need to realize that we are not meant to not lean on each other. That is what we are here FOR! To lean on each other!
*Please remember that while you are in your cave, you can come back out at any time at your own whim. But when I am in a well, I will drown in there without your help. I do give you your space when you need to cave, but I need you to return this to ME by giving ME what I need....ie: when I am in the well, please do not leave me in there alone to drown. I need your assistance when I am stuck in there.
And lastly....
*Please stop focusing on things in life that will never matter one way or the other, and instead focus on the things in life that if you screw them up, you will spend the rest of your life regretting it (ie: love, relationships, kids....NOT work, work, more work, and again, more work. No one is on their death beds worrying about the work they didn't complete).
Anyway....
So even though I had already been saying these things for a very long time, we had to get to the point of almost breaking up for him to have this epiphany. And then its like all the words I have been saying for the past year or so are suddenly coming back to him so clearly.
It actually reminds me a lot of the posts I read in "newcomers" from DAM's whose wives have been telling them similar things for years, then she finally leaves him, then the husband is here going "what the F was I thinking? Why did I refuse to listen to her? What did I think was so important that I couldn't spend a little more time on her? And now she's gone and I would do anything to get her back".
Apparently, many of us need a true wake up call in order to wake up.
But speaking as a woman, this is so very irritating. Why can't you just listen to me before it gets to that point? Because by the time we are on our way out the door, there is very little left to salvage. The pain that occurs up to that point makes it a very difficult task for a man to clean up his own mess.
However...we are doing pretty well and I am totally giving him a chance. So far, he is back on track. I don't know what the future holds, but for now....he is working his way back into my heart and I am open to him.
We are also making our plans for the exit of my house. This will still take several more months of work. But I have been very pleased in the meantime to be finding comps to my house in the price range I am hoping to sell mine for. And on top of that, my neighborhood is very coveted in my city...so houses don't sit on the market in my neighborhood for 6 months like they do in other parts of town. Goodie for that. One of the very few financial things I ever did right in my life was buy that particular house.
Sex seems to be coming back around....and its still great. The frequency will have to come back in its own time....or maybe it never will, who knows....I am waiting for the lovin' good feelings to come back first before I know how the sex/frequency thing will come along. But for now, things look up.
