I was unfaithful #4

[Sanderika]

M,

I am an analyzer and second guesser with no control to be able to stop.

I do it to try and stay one step ahead of H. I also believe that I have learned so much of the time I am right because I know him so well. I can usually predict his behavior. I will admit I get hurt really bad in doing so as well.

I think your H is stepping back to sort out his feelings. I think you H sends suggestions your way to see how you will handle them. I for one have never turned my H down for sex. I did it repeatedly when I was depressed and it was not a good thing. My H thought I was unattracted to him and did not love him. I hurt him by turning him down, he did not understand my depression at all back then. I am not the same girl now I was then. I will not turn him down. The way I see it I need to make H know that I do desire him and want him. I am attracted to him and do love him. I will not hurt H in that way again. I know the risks. I go to the doctor all the time and get checked. I am so far so good and all is and has been fine. I am not condoning a sexual lifestyle of multiple partners. I am having sex with my H. That is how I have had to look at it. When my H seems aroused and flirty and suggestive with me I play along right with him. It is another way that I have been able to keep H in my life. I want him back. I have heard about all the cake-eating. Most say he's never going to change with all the cake. I hope he will. I have seen him change. It has been a long time coming but I have seen changes. I also realize that at any moment his absolute choice will be OW and I will never hear from him again. I am not delusional.

IMO your H is testing the waters. Your H wants to know if you share the same interest with him. IMO your H is looking for reaffirmation that you want him and your marriage. Sex could be the door opener that begins your reconcilation. I do not want to tell you what to do here, this is a very private subject. I have only given you my opinion.

I do not think H is moving further away from you. I think your H is keeping a distance to sort things out. The best thing you can do is respect that and let him be. BUT, if and when H comes around be friendly, sexy, kind and treat H well. Give H what he is looking for. H may appear that he is disinterested and may even seem mean. H will be watching and making mental notes. Again, constant and similar behavior of treating H well will pay off even if it's slow coming and has ups and downs.

I found too that H will run like h*ll when he realizes that he is getting too close to me. H doesn't have trust yet even though he is more comfortable and likes being around and with me. I think it is very typical behavior for them to do this. They will do it when they aren't ready to come back and be accepting of us completely. Then without warning they will return and things will seem on the right track again. I look at all of these as positive steps and each one brings him closer to a return.

You know he is waiting for you to slip up. A slip up from you will confirm his choice and you will lose any gained ground. Stay aware and be on your guard at all times. It's a tough job but you can do it. I did it and I still do...I don't see a return by my H any time to soon so I will stay the course.

Keep it up, nothing worth while comes easy......

Sanderika