losing my sanity...

[hope3343]

I have been lurking in this forum mostly on Trying2live post, but want to start my own stich because I think I am failing miserably at this DB thing. here is some of my earlier background.

My H and our D15 moved to SW 2 years ago. I was in hometown I grew up in till then. After 21 years my H comes home drunk one night in July and says I want a D and I am not happy. We definitely had problems in the M (drifting and taking each other for granted) but it was my wake up call to work on the M and started going to MC.

Missed all the signs of MLC and discovered (surprise surprise) my H was already in hot and heavy A with co-worker, not just a coworker but a direct employee. Want to add the worst part is that I work there also and I go to some of the same meetings with H and once in awhile see the OW.

I tried guilt and pleading and it did not work and all it did was set up more barriers. My H moved out on Oct 1.
My D15 did not talk to him for 5 weeks and only recently have started seeing each other again after Thanksgiving.

Originally my H was in fantasy fogland in his head thinking no one would know about his A, his D15 and D28 would be fine with him moving out, we would be one happy Divorced family with an amicable D. H is starting to realize now that he has been wrong in every aspect.

I have exposed the A to my Ds and my SIL and a good friend of ours. My H is really caught up in the A and does not seem to care if he loses his job (company policy), everything financial, and his family. My H looks like hell since he has been drinking heavily (after being sober for years), He has racked up credit card debt since June (in his name only) but we are in a community property state.

This MLC was offset about a promotion that he did not receive and turning 49 during the summer. Our MC (now IC) said he is in throes of a full life mid-life crisis.

I want to hang on and I need strength. It is difficult for me because I am a fixer and controller and now I feel helpless.

I have been GAL since this happened and joined the gym and walk every night on the beach and have lost 34 lbs. H has mentioned that I am looking good but in detached way.

I will be going back East at Christmas and have to deal with my family who have just heard we have broken up.
Also, people at work are starting to find out about the A (they were seen at a local nightclub drunk) and I received an anoyomnus e-mail last week telling me about it and today I found a note on my monitor saying "your husband is screwing that pig _____. He is a dumb a$$." All DBing went out the window when i went to see him with the note. I am getting stressed out about H losing his job and all the shame and embarrassment that goes with it. I really let H have it today and probably called him every name known to man.
Part of our discussion today -- H has said he never wanted to go back to our M and I told him that our M was terrible. I wanted to work on it and have it the way it should be but that was no excuse for sleeping with your employee. I also told H that I was going to go back east with D15 and he could stay here with OW and rot. Said I was beginning to hate him and if he wanted me that is where I would be.

I need to get back on track. It might be too late. I think as of tomorrow my wedding band comes off (questions will begin at work) and maybe should just go dark since I totally blew it today.

Any help or suggestions. Has anyone here been in a worse situation and was able to turn their M around?

I would like to stay active Dbing but the situation seems so far gone and everyday when I am in work I am wondering if they will get fired so I might have to be dark. HELP!