But even dancing around with B isn't fair to B. She wants you but you are using her. Not nice. I am glad you are feeling good about where you are because you are confusing the heck out of me and I don't have a clue where you are! lol
Don't play games with other people, ok?
kat
Me-53(and learning!) S24, S21, D18, D17 Just keep swimming, Just keep swimming. Dory
Ok. I hear you. It is hard to see things through your eyes because we all come here with different lives, different situations, and different backgrounds. In the end, only you know the right thing to do, and you got to do what you got to do. You are living this life you put on paper. We are only reading it, trying to help you as best we can from what you tell us.
I understand you are trying to do some things that help your marriage. What has always concerned me is the constant statements that come out that lead me to believe that you will become the WAH soon if you don't do something. If it ever gets to that point, please listen to us and do what we suggested FIRST at least. I can sort of understand what you are doing because it is what my H did the whole time, kind of, but the difference is he didn't actually "know" that I was in the midst of affairs. But, maybe he would have done the same as you. You two are very much alike. I don't know. Like you, I worry about your kids. If you take a strong approach, like suggested, your kids won't be living in this limbo as long. But, if you want to continue loving her the way you have been, then you could maybe take them to that movie, Fireproof, because they would understand what the heck you have been doing.
The B thing is bothersome. Only because we all know she wants you and you continue that on. You tell her what's up, but show her something else. YOu think it is good that you didn't answer her first couple calls and only answered the last time, but do you realize that is just having her think about your more, want you more? It's the chase. She will do something for your birthday. You just watch. Like I said before, she is a parasite. I just wish you would trust us on this one at least. Even if this is the only thing you listen to me on. She is not a help. Has she said anything to you that is helpful to your marriage? Has she said anything to you that would make you want to fight for your wife? Nope. In fact, it is the opposite. I noticed this a long time ago. AFter long chunks of time with her, that is usually when you are ready to NOT be married and make those statements. If she is what is keeping you sane, you need to look deeper within yourself and find what truly makes you happy. Some lady that you don't want to be with isn't it. While you are waiting on your wife to open her eyes all the way, you could be learning about yourself at the same time. Making yourself better and better.
I worry a lot about her "using" you. You know her best, though. If you asked her why she is the way she is to you, my guess is she would outright tell you that she wants to remain friends for the kids. It just doesn't feel right at times when I read what she does/says to you. Like she is getting everything....classic cake eating. But, maybe that is your plan. Letting her have everything, and then there is no fight away from you...only realizations.
I'll go with it, since it is what you will do no matter what. Once I'm your friend, you can't do anything to get rid of me. I'm like that.
But even dancing around with B isn't fair to B. She wants you but you are using her. Not nice. I am glad you are feeling good about where you are because you are confusing the heck out of me and I don't have a clue where you are! lol
Don't play games with other people, ok?
kat
Kat, I'm just enjoying the company and I don't even flirt with her.
And you guys know that I can flirt.
Hey, maybe she's trying to use me? She's pursuing, I'm not. And believe me, I'm pretty confused myself.
Me 47, WW 38 SS18, D15, D10
Good Bye Girl. No longer SAYING she's moving out. GBG moved out 8-1-08
"I have now decided to enjoy life instead of figure it out."
Kat, I'm just enjoying the company and I don't even flirt with her.
And you guys know that I can flirt.
Hey, maybe she's trying to use me? She's pursuing, I'm not. And believe me, I'm pretty confused myself.
I have a feeling early on this is how lots of our WAS' affairs started. They were just enjoying the company and good friends. And then the EA just happened. And then the PA just happened. They couldn't help it. Yeah, right.
And my thing is yeah B is pursuing you, and I just don't think much (good anyway) of someone that is pursuing a married person.
Kat, I'm just enjoying the company and I don't even flirt with her.
And you guys know that I can flirt.
Hey, maybe she's trying to use me? She's pursuing, I'm not. And believe me, I'm pretty confused myself.
I have a feeling early on this is how lots of our WAS' affairs started. They were just enjoying the company and good friends. And then the EA just happened. And then the PA just happened. They couldn't help it. Yeah, right.
And my thing is yeah B is pursuing you, and I just don't think much (good anyway) of someone that is pursuing a married person.
Karen
Particularly one whose marriage is already on the rocks.
Beej, I truly believe that if your H knew about the affairs at the time, the dynamics of your situation would have been much different, but hopefully with the same result.
B is part of the 99% of people that know me. I mean in "real" life.
I don't think I meant to say that SHE keeps me sane. I think that I meant that its just nice to know that someone 'likes' you, if that makes sense. I realize that it makes no sense. Believe me, I know.
I had a busy day yesterday. After the library, met my folks at their house, then to aunt's house for get together. Nice to see a lot of family. A few hours there, then to my buds GF house to finish watching the Cowboy game. Left with about 7 minutes left in the game and ahead by 10.
I missed a lot, apparantly, because they ended up losing.
The wife called my cell while on the way to buds. She was just heading home. That was at like 5:30. I let D11 answer it as usual. After a short conversation, D11 is asking what time are they going to be back, do they need to be picked up. I told D11 to just give me the phone and I asked her what was up.
She starts to tell me where the neighbors took her, they went sight seeing, window shopping blah blah. She asked where we were and I told her what we had done for the day.
I was basically letting her know what a fun and busy day we had together. Without her.
She says, "Oh. Your not home?"
I told her I'll call her after the game and when we are headed home. After we left my buds house, I called to let her know that the kids wanted me to drop them off before I went home to get their things. She said okay. I drop them off and say hello. She is preparing some dinner and I let her know that I'll be back. We discuss the plan for her trip to Laredo. She decides right there that she'll just leave Tuesday morning, so she'll get the kids off to school. I just might need to pick up D7 from daycare.
"No use in me spending the night there. I don't have anywhere to stay and I can't afford a hotel."
I leave, go home, pack the girls stuff and come back. When I left, I noticed that she had a bag of charcoal and starter fluid sitting in the kitchen. By the time I got back and brought all the stuff inside, her neighbors were at the apartment sitting on the sofa eating, the kids were sitting eating too. The wife asked if I wanted to eat dinner with them. I pause, think and tell her,
"You have company. Ya'll eat." "Its just the neighbors and were just going to watch a movie." It sounded more like it would embarass her if I didn't stay. I told her ok. We served ourselves and we all sat in the living room and watched "Fred Claus". I sat next to D7 and we played throughout the movie. I didn't intend to stay too long. I met the neighbors and we all laughed at some parts. Everyone was sitting on the sofa except for the wife, D7 and I. We sat on the floor together.
At 8:30, I let D7 know that she had to take a shower, which started another power strugggle with her.
This time, I won. I got D7 in the shower. The wife started cleaning up dishes and picked up my plate for me. The guy neighbor walked out and went to their apartment. The girl sat and finished the movie. The kids went to the room to get on the computer. I start my goodbyes. I ask the wife if she has checked her car recently. She tells me that she just had her power steering fluid filled. I asked if 'someone' found a leak. She looked at me and just shrugged. "All I know is that it was getting hard to turn the wheel." I asked her for her keys and she got them for me.
Her car was fine. Either OM did it for her or, I know that she has a small auto repair shop right next door to her work.
Now I'm shrugging MY shoulders.
I tell my kids goodbye and go over to the wife and tell her thanks for dinner and again, she gives me that slightly guilty look and tells me,
"Thanks. Have a goodnight".
And she didn't give me no groceries. Whats up with that?
Me 47, WW 38 SS18, D15, D10
Good Bye Girl. No longer SAYING she's moving out. GBG moved out 8-1-08
"I have now decided to enjoy life instead of figure it out."
She had grilled beef fajitas for dinner that night.
No contact with the wife yesterday until 5pm. She called my cell phone from her work phone. I didn't answer it and she left no VM. Then she called my office phone, so I figured I should answer it. Turns out, she had a client that had investment questions and her people were out of the office. I answered some basic questions for her, she thanked me and we hung up. I left soon after and then she called from the office again.
She asked if I had left already and that she still had a client at her office. Would I mind picking up D7 from daycare. I told her that was fine and she asked me again, if I minded. I told her again that it was fine and she tells me that she'll see me at the apartment.
She calls back 20 minutes later from her cell phone. Again I answered and she says that she is leaving already and if I had picked up D7 yet. I tell her that I'm about 10 minutes away and I ask her if she has left yet or not. She says that she is logging off her computer right now. She said a couple things that I couldn't make out and told her that I'll just see her at her place. I picked up D7, who was surprised to see me. I get to the apartment and D11 is working on a poster board project and I start D7 on HER homework. S14 was in his room on the phone. The wife gets there about 15 minutes later. She says her hello's to the kids and gets settled in. She starts to ask if the kids want spaghetti and meatballs. I just smile because D11 says that they just had the same on Saturday.
"Well, it wasn't MY spaghetti and meatballs" as I caught her give a quick glance at me.
They decided on something else. As I helping D7 at the dining table, her cell rings. She answers it and starts talking,
"Hello? Hey you.....Yeah......I'mmmmmmmm getting dinner started. Yeah?........Thats what I thought......
While she is on the phone, I quickly tell D7 goodbye, go over to S14 and tell him goodbye and then D11. I look over to the wife in the kitchen and she is no longer on the phone, looking at me. I give a quick hand motion and she tells me thank you. I say nothing to her and just walk out the door.
Of course, her phone call upset me. I was fine by the time I got home.
She sure makes it hard to continue on, but I do. Also, I have seen her every morning on my way to work for the past 3 working days. Today makes the 4th. Not sure if she saw me today, but I'm pretty sure she did as I passed her. It looked as if she was driving to the grocery store and missed the turn and had to turn around a bit farther down.
If she calls me early, I won't answer her call. She would typically call me when she leaves, but hasn't called me yet. It being now 10:30am and it takes about 3 hours to get there, she should have left by now.
And I ain't gonna call her, thats for sure.
Her taking the call was just F'ing rude. Just really shows me where SHE is, so I know where I should be. Pulled back and just waiting for the next attack.
It may be a while, though.
Me 47, WW 38 SS18, D15, D10
Good Bye Girl. No longer SAYING she's moving out. GBG moved out 8-1-08
"I have now decided to enjoy life instead of figure it out."
Roger, I know this is hard, kind of like the first year with your first baby is hard, but you can do this. I know you don't like being alone, so few people do, but I think it is really important that you get comfortable with yourself, by yourself.
We can start challenging each other again if you want. What ever happened to Karaoke?
kat
Me-53(and learning!) S24, S21, D18, D17 Just keep swimming, Just keep swimming. Dory
