You did give it your best, but she wants to go her own way now.
I agree with you - differences attract each other. Two people of like mind are not going to necessarily make for the best relationship.
She is not responding to you out of guilt. She knows that her justification for a divorce is very weak and is probably afraid for any confrontation that might try to sway her decision.
She is a quitter now, but at least she has changed some and acknowleges the good parts of your marriage. With more time and the hard knocks of life, she may come to realize that you and her were the best thing and she may live to regret running away when the going got tough.
I had my mediation with my W on Friday. I got there at 9am, left at 5:45pm.
We made no agreements on financial issues.
She negotiates out of emotion, will not budge on issues or items she doesnt believe is right, or best for her.
I wont negotiate on issues or items that are not supported by facts or documents. I just dont see why I would have to budge much if it's supported by the facts.
We did trade offers. She was just tossing out numbers based upon what she thinks is correct. I dont know if she's getting bad advice from her attorney, of if she's just not listening. My guess is she's not listening.
My L thought this was all ludicrous and a complete waste of time. I guess right now we are on path for a court date unless they come back with some sort of offer soon. Based upon what went on for 9 hours and her refusal to accept any logic, I would not expect an offer.
I was really sad because I was certain she would accept the final offer of the day. I was very surprised she did not. Thus, she has significant exposure in court. I do as well, but probably not as much as she does. She was a fool to not take what we offered.
She continues to not communicate with me.
I am amazed that what she is choosing will make her happier. We did not have a bad marriage, I am convinced. She just thinks the grass would be greener with someone else. She gave up her house, the potential to retire early, ability to travel well, her kids 50% of the time, many friends, will now have to work full time for a long time, and created a lot of stress for herself; just so she could find out. That is totally overwhelming for me to think what she's willing to give up to not be with me. That's the reality of it all.
same ol. W can be a total witch to me or sometimes act like nothing happened.
I went over and dropped off my kids and their stuff last Wed night. She couldnt have been a bigger, colder witch to me.
Then, Sat, we were at our sons basketball games. She came up and talked to me after the first game, as if we knew each other, what a concept. Then for game 2, she sat by herself away from everyone else. Very strange behavior.
She did send over an offer after mediation. It was just like all her offers at mediation. We told them we were going to go to trial. Then...we decided to make another offer, so we are waiting to hear about that.
Anyway...I'm just amazed at what she has chosen, how she treats me, etc...She doesnt look so good, doesnt seem happy. I'm wondering if she's starting to realize the consequences of her decisions.
Going back and forth with counter offers is how we did it and when we got to the judge for a pre trial hearing, all we had left was for me to throw in an additional $2400.
My STBXW has chosen her crappy path in life too. Reality is starting to bite her in the ass.
W and I have settled on all financial issues, parenting, etc....i bawled my eyes out for about a half hour, drank like a fish...but I'm ok now. this was before thanksgiving.
W this week wanted the kids for a certain night next week to take them to a party. She had been totally ignoring anything I sent to her, then she sends me a 'nice' kiss ass email to try and get the kids for a night. I just simply replied that based upon her behavior towards me and that she really is only nice when she needs something from me, she chose to not have a family on that day, sorry...(it was my day with the kids).
then....I get this email.... "You're right...I did choose to give up on our family. I made a mistake. Our family is broken because of me. I am sorry. But there is nothing I can do at this point. I fell out of love and I can't force my feelings. And quite honestly, when you act like this, it is really hard to even start to move in that direction. I am only doing this for the kids. You get to make these decisions when they are with you and so you get control."
finally...she admits its all a mistake? I dont know what to think about this, but she is certainly sounding like she's ok living with the consequences. Its the classic ilybnilwy line and that the WAW at some point figures out they made a mistake, but cannot figure out how to fix it..so quitting is just easier I guess. How frustrating.
W has sent me a couple petty emails tonight on some bills, yet she owes me money. And, while talking to D9 on the phone, she had her drop the phone and come to me to see if I could take her to gymnastics and buy her a new outfit. My D9 doesn't even take gymnastics. Its all revenge to make me busy on my nights with my kids because I wouldn't let her have the kids on one of my nights.
Anyway, I'm just venting because she's driving me nuts. She won't even acknowledge her admitting to this "mistake". She's mentally ill. I don't even think she remembers saying it.
I am sorry to see that your M has reached this point and I hope you can hold things together and come through ok.
If I may offer some observations from you previous post, I think your W offers you a big clue in her feelings with this line.
Originally Posted By: Tostada
" I fell out of love and I can't force my feelings. And quite honestly, when you act like this, it is really hard to even start to move in that direction.
She sees you as not having changed so why should she consider any sort of reconciliation.
From what I just read your W acts with pettiness and then you respond with pettiness, your actions then push her further away and W will only see your actions not hers. So in her eyes you are the one being mean and cruel not her.
On the other point of W admitting she made a mistake, I read it slightly differently, I read it as her just responding to you in a way to tell you what you want to hear, and not how she actually feels. (Tell him I made a mistake then it may shut him up).
I think your way forward is to try to cultivate a friendship with W even if she is being mean spirited and petty. That doesn't mean bow to her every request, but it does mean you have to keep showing her your good and attractive side even in the face of hostile behaviour. It will be hard work but that's what you need to do.
Sorry to hear that things have not improved but even more sorry that you are still agressive or angry.... I used to be accused of that often. T, you need to answer the following question. Do you really want your W back? If the answer is yea, then you HAVE TO find a way to become friends. Put your ego and animosity aside. It's not about who is right or wrong, it's about do YOU still want to try. If the answer is no, than you should not care what she thinks about you as long as the kids do not suffer in any way. Take it easy T, J210
