Letting go of the fears

[sandycay]

You know Frank, when my H first left he came over every morning to help get the kids ready. I of course accepted this help....but really it was just so I could see him and try to keep him involved with the family life. I thought that would bring him closer However, my DB coach and my IC said to stop this PRONTO. How could he want to come closer if he already had what he wanted....see the kids at his leisure and then go back to his apartment in the evening...leaving me with the fall out every night that it caused?

First of all, it's not quality time. Second of all it's awkward for the kids and them starting out the day that way sucks for them. Your daughters have already said they don't want to do XYZ because she doesn't live there anymore. Plus it's just the same old Frank doing the same old thing. She doesn't have to wonder or worry about Frank getting a life because you haven't changed yours one iota(sp?) I was told this was cake eating. This is not what a D or a S looks like. Give your wife a healthy dose of what this looks like. She sees the kids outside the home. That's her choice and you need to have your own space. She needs to wonder why you are protective of your own space. Do you show up to make coffee at her house? No Do you have access to her place? No Why are you giving her those privledges? She chose to not have them. Things started breaking at my house after H left. He is a handy man and once I revoked his key privledges I hired poeple to do the work. That p*ssed him off big time.... but you know what? It is a privledge to work on things on ones own home. He would say "it cost more money" Well, in return I would say, "well, we have to get use to the way it will be moving forward" I don't know of many D couples that keep their lives so intertwined...it was then and only then that I think helped my situation start turning in a different direction. I did none of this to try to get him back. I just got REAL. It REALLY has to change. I needed to REALLY start living my life as a single mother. IMO she should not be doing laundry at your house or anything else. She chose to give up that right. You've been status qou for to long now and you need to put a stop to it for yourself. It's what's best for you and that will ultimately be what's best for your kids.

Blessings