checking in on you.. sounds like a great weekend and heck yeah I'd take some flirting right now myself... just a boost of confidence never hurt anyone...
you sound like you are in such a good place right now.. I can't believe the ILY comment either...
Me: 38/H:40 M:7yrs TG: 10yrs 2Girls: 4yr & 7 month old Bomb 8/22/08 OW/EA/PA 8/23/08 with 25yr old Moved out 9/22/08
Not a whole lot is new this afternoon; but I had an interesting convo with the MIL last night. She called to ask the kids and I to her house on Sun for dinner. SIL and nephew will be there as well. Not sure if she invited my W or not; don't care, I'll still go.
Seems that MIL is feeling responsible for the sitch. She was in tears apologizing for what I going through. MIL has it tough right now. Her mother is basically on her death bed; her other D (SIL) is visiting with a L today about her own M; and her oldest D (my W) is a lifelong screw-up who has burned bridges within her own family. So MIL asked her mother if there was anything that she (MIL) could have done in her life that would have made her NOT love her. MIL's mother said no; but MIL told her that she was close to that point with my W.
W wants me to give her $50 for half of Christmas presents she has purchased so far. W told me that she gave them to MIL to take to her house. Last night, MIL told me that she doesn't have them, nor has she seen them. So when W asks for the money, I'm going to demand to see the toys and the receipt. I almost got took on that; I was letting my guard down and was about to get taken. So I'll go back to being more vigilant. Seems like W is getting real sneaky..
ahhh hellll detaching is the easy part..not becoming a walk away is the hard part..they say and do so many bad things it's hard not to give up..
you gotta weigh all the crap out and see where everything falls..detachment brings true individual happiness IMO but it could also end your M. It's a tight rope you walk..JMHO..
That's exactly it, Mike... a tightrope...and being a tightrope walker isn't something a lot of us have ever prepared for...it's scary and confusing - and sometimes there are those gusts of wind that distract us from focusing on the safe ledge at the other end.
How does one keep from becoming a walk-away? I'm struggling with that one myself...
And, Tom, I think it's amazing how vigilant and compassionate you are...I admire your strength...and find strength in your strength.
So when W asks for the money, I'm going to demand to see the toys and the receipt. I almost got took on that; I was letting my guard down and was about to get taken. So I'll go back to being more vigilant. Seems like W is getting real sneaky..
Stay tuned.....
This is like dealing with an addict, Tom... offer to help buy presents maybe, but not give money (in that sitch for example). You know what I mean...like the guy asking for money for food..give him food but not money. We have a family member like this.
This is like dealing with an addict, Tom... offer to help buy presents maybe, but not give money (in that sitch for example). You know what I mean...like the guy asking for money for food..give him food but not money. We have a family member like this.
touche....
point taken. thank you; I really should have this kind of stuff down like the back of my hand by now, considering her past behavior.
Hey, MC! Finally got here and read up on your sitch. I'm so sorry that your W is treating you the way she is - the caged bird stuff and all. You are obviously a really great father and person, and you've been a great husband. It's terrible that she can't see that.
I don't have any real advice to give, but I will pray for you and your kids. I hope for nothing but the best for you all, and I wish you luck in detaching.
As hollow as this is going to sound, your W will regret her decision one day. And when that day comes, even if that regret is meaningless to you, you will at least be able to say that you preserved your values and fought as hard as you could.
Take care, and may God bless you and keep you, ~Nas
That's exactly it, Mike... a tightrope...and being a tightrope walker isn't something a lot of us have ever prepared for...it's scary and confusing - and sometimes there are those gusts of wind that distract us from focusing on the safe ledge at the other end.
yep..it's a tight rope..you can either ride out the gusts or just step off.
Quote:
How does one keep from becoming a walk-away? I'm struggling with that one myself...
boy..this one is a hard one for me to tackle.. 1. Forgive yourself- 2. forgive them 3. no matter what they say or do focus on the good whether it is good they do now or good they have done. Focus on something they do that is positive. 4. never lose sight of the goal you set, whether it be reconciliation or making it through the day.. 5. IC-it's a must..this place is an awesome place but you need an IC you can talk to. 6. a strong will to succeed and a duck's back. 7. patience-more than you thought possible, more than you knew was in you. 8. The ability to never give up when all around you(family and friends) are begging you to quit. 9. never finding another shoulder to lean on through this..once you do, it's very easy to move on..IMO. 10. Luck- you better be a lucky bastid..because no matter how much you change luck plays a part..
and with that..I'm done..I'm sure there are more..
detachment is the best thing in the world and it's the worst thing in the world..it's an enigma wrapped in a riddle..and it's exactly like walking a tightrope..one wrong step and you're out of the game..as long as you stay balanced you're still in it..
