It's been awhile and I am still in the SAME PLACE!
I feel like I am starting to lose my mind and I need some advice. I just don't know what to do.
Still no job. Still no enlistment bonus money. Still no sign of moving out any time soon.
Worst of all we are both running out of money and it is getting harder to pay bills, let alone go shopping for Christmas gifts. I am so stressed and I tell him this all the time but it does not seem to move things along any faster.
If I am honest with myself I am pissed at him and am beginning to see him as a man who is seriously lacking ambition which is not something I ever saw in him before. I am getting angry at him for not figuring something out and I am borderline ready to start taking it out on him. Which I do not want to do but sometimes it is VERY hard to hold my tongue.
It is not all his fault. The enlistment bonus money is on hold because the army is not organized and no one is willing to step up and help us. All he gets is "talk to this person" who then says "talk to this guy" and eventually no one answers the phone anymore. There is $10,000 out there that we have been waiting for for 2 years now and once we can finally have it there is still a holdup. Ugh!
Also my job is cutting my hours down to nothing. I am apparently not working at all this whole week. My paychecks are getting smaller and smaller but the bills are staying the same size. I was not looking for another job because I was trying to wait and see what hubby was doing or if we were moving, etc. However I am now putting out applications again because I do not know what else to do. I have to take care of me right now. If I have to quit a job to move then I guess that is what will have to happen. I don't like it but it's life. I hope something works out for me soon. There are just not a lot of jobs out there right now. It's insane.
We still get along really well and are not fighting and we are still "together" and making future plans, etc. Which is all great and I do not want to come across as complaining because so many of you here would kill for that reconciliation. So please do not take this as whining.
I am just very stressed about finaces and very angry that nothing is working. I want to move out NOW. And yet that is not even on the horizon as far as I can tell.
Do you think this is a bad sign? Should I try to get out of this relationship because he will not step it up and take care of me? I know he says he is trying but how can it be this hard? He is looking for the "right thing" which would be fine if he had something to pay the bills today. I just don't want to be with someone who cannot be the provider and take care of our needs. I want him to be happy with his job, that is very important to me. But at the moment he just needs a job period.
Everytime I talk to him he is playing games or hanging out with friends. Spending money on things we do not need (going to see stupid movies in the theater and paying for his friend, going out to eat, going to a bar, etc) It's driving me crazy. Not that I am not spending any money, I am, but only when I have to buy something.
I just keep thinking "this will be the week" or "something has to happen soon." Yet it never happens. No jobs, no money, no set plans.
He is making more phone calls today about the enlistment bonus so maybe we will hear something today. I hope so. . .
The thing is he is in this mindset of wanting to take care of one thing at a time. I think I mentioned this somewhere before. He wants to deal with the enlistment money before making a decision about a job. He wants to get a job before making an appointment with a counselor to do his share of the IC sessions he told me he would do (since my last one is Thursday) This is such a stupid way to live. He needs to do more than one thing at a time. However I do not know how to tell him anything like this without coming across as being naggy and bitchy and controlling. He has already said that I am getting naggy about the job thing.
I don't want to go through all of this just to scare him off because I handle this situation wrong. It feels like a lot of pressure to do and say the right thing. It's just so hard and I am so tired of being stressed out about money.
I guess the most frustrating thing is that I have put my life on hold and said "I will go where you want, I will do what you want to do" so the fact that I am giving him so much and I am not getting plans and stability back hurts. I know he wants to get on with our life too so what is the hold-up? Could it be a subconsciece thing? Like he secretly doesn't want to get back together so subconsiously he is wrecking any plans we make? I don't know. That sounds kinda looney.
On the more positive side we are making plans to spend nearly a week together over Christmas, most of which we will be alone. So that will be nice. I really am glad that we are getting along and still working to get things sorted out I just need it to happen faster than it has been going.
Thanks for listening to my rant. Any advice would be wonderful!
