Kind of nice, isn't it! I think this is what detachment really feels like.
I hope you are not confusing detachment with "the tipping point". I occationally ask myself whether I am really done or if there is some chance that I could consider MC, Retrovaille, etc. in the case that she changed her mind...try it and see what your answer is, then you will know. For me the answer is always the same...I am done, but for you it could be different.
Take care, SD
Me 41 W 41 Kids: S9 S7 Married 16 years Bomb dropped 2/2/07 Still living together! current thread
Looks like you have got things under control. I am in much the same place. Every now and then W will get upset and hit me with a request for settlement , that used to see me weaken and "play along " to settle things. Now I just agree and dont react. So she drops the tactic and goes back to very friendly.
I think there is an underlying truth here for a lot of us here on the board. When we decide to try and save our M we realy go it alone , with the help of our friends on this board of course. In the course of this process we actualy learn to live with ourselves and learn that life can still be very rewarding being single and without having a partner. This is a very important lesson. The WAS on the otherhand often is involved with OP and in the case of my W more than one OP and do not know they if can lead a happy life by themselves . Therefore they seem to still be on the rollercoaster . I think you have stepped off it ( I know I have ) and are on the platform watching , seeing it for what it is . The rollercoaster may go up and down but in the end it gets nowhere.
Good Luck Sunny , I know things will be good for you going forward.
"I hope you are not confusing detachment with "the tipping point"."
Hi SD,
I'm not really sure they can be completely separated, i.e., it was the tipping point that lead to the detachment.
The ultimate tipping point came when my H broke the agreement (he insisted on) of no introductions to OP until we came to another agreement at some time.
Our S5 came home to tell me he met one of daddy's friends, a big girl, but didn't invite her over for dinner. H told me it shouldn't matter, b/c it was a "cursory" meeting when he had to go drop something off @ her place. After thinking about it, I was curious what was so important to drop off & asked S5 what they took over to his friend's.
"Nothing, my daddy is lying, he just told me he wanted me to meet one of his new friends."
Whata role model. As I read not too long ago in Private Lies, "The impact & the problems of people who grew up amid secrets & deceits & constant threats to the marital stability are not greatly different from those faced by children growing up with alcoholic parents."
I've now given him my response to the settlement offer. He sent his response in an e-mail this morning, after not speaking with him for a few days, with a "Call me if you want to talk about this."
Since we appear to be pretty far apart, I said it looks like we need to go thru L's now. He said he'd talk to me later on.
I decided that means this is going to go on as it has, so I called back & told him we really need to get going on this & get it over with." H-"I'm freaking out on so many levels now, I'll talk to you later. But go ahead & have your L read thru it."
Hey Dave,
"Every now and then W will get upset and hit me with a request for settlement , that used to see me weaken and "play along " to settle things. Now I just agree and dont react. So she drops the tactic and goes back to very friendly."
Another script moment that doesn't vary much, huh!
Not working now, b/c I feel strong & not much willing to play along anymore.
"I know things will be good for you going forward."
Hi Sunny (and Dave), Glad to see you are both getting along so well. Seems like the patterns are all similar, with the WAS wanting to have their cake and eat it too!
My sitch is in about the same place, with me finally having filed, now W is trying to do things "as a family". Of course, still cutting off to spend a week or a long weekend with OM every month or so.
It is so frustrating and unfair to have kids in the middle of all of this. I know that it is totally confusing to them, esp. when they see the mixed signals.
Anyhooo, Happy Thanksgiving Sunny!
SD
Me 41 W 41 Kids: S9 S7 Married 16 years Bomb dropped 2/2/07 Still living together! current thread
When I try to catch up with what's been going on in my R, something comes & trips me up. I walked into a wooden beam getting into a toy ship yesterday & practically gave myself a concussion. When you add in complete apathy, it makes it difficult to post what looks like the same 'ol script.
After a year & a half of back & forth, around & around, ending with the H still engaging OW, I have an 'Ick' feeling when I think of him.
So much damage has been done I no longer have any draw.
In hindsight, if I was to give myself a path to take, it would have been to stick with my guns early on. By caving whenever he came in my direction, it set up a pattern that kept us stuck in no man's land & resulted in my lack of desire in a future with him.
I have a great life though, that I'm just learning how to fully appreciate.
Haven't been able to get myself to respond to H's phone calls, e-mail for the last couple of days. He left a message that he'd call for him last night, but didn't hear from him.
After getting another message today to call with S5's doctor's phone number needed for an application that went unreturned (why not the phone book?), I received an e-mail telling me I will be served in the next couple of days, along with a new settlement proposal.
