Thank you. I am trying. Most of this is only a month and half old now, so I guess it just takes time. The problem is, she has a problem with anything I do, so I guess I have to see myself independent of her. I can't keep worrying about pleasing her, because she certainly isn't worrying about pleasing me. But what does it mean to do 180s? Does it mean becoming calous? Or does it mean spending money on myself buying myself nice things? The first thing I did when she moved out was go on a trip to CA to be with my family. We hadn't flown without each other since we were married, so this was quite a shock to her. She called me after 2 days and convinced me to come back. She said she wanted to work things out with me. 2 hours after changing my ticket she called and said she still wanted to separate from me. It just seems like I can't win. I guess what I should have done was stay in CA for the duration of my trip and not let her convince me to come back NY so suddenly.
You've answered your own question, Crafidi. A "180" is doing something that's 180 degrees opposite from how you would have done it before, and had you said "OK, great to hear that -- let's discuss that when I'm back home next Tuesday," instead of flying back for her beck and call, you would have successfully done a "180."
Here's a clue as to where you're getting stuck:
Quote:
Thank you. I am trying. Most of this is only a month and half old now, so I guess it just takes time. The problem is, she has a problem with anything I do . . .
You're continuing to define YOUR success by whether or not SHE "has a problem with" it. Stop that. Instead, learn to definite your own success by DOING THE RIGHT THING, in every situation, and doing what God Himself would HAVE you do at that moment.
Do that, and you will sleep well. It is NOT easy. In fact, it will be the hardest damned thing you've ever done in your entire life.
