Is she having an affair? I don't know. Is she cheating on you? Yes, in my opinion. At the very least she is sharing her personal thoughts and I love you's with someone who is not her husband. That in itself is not being faithful to you.
I agree with puppy you need to decide what YOU are going to do. I wish I had been firmer with my H. I tried to keep my head in the sand, 'compete' with OW by being cuter, more fun, trying to plan things to keep H busy with me, not her. All it did was keep us together a few more months under the same roof while he still carried on with her and I gave him no consequences. DON'T DO THAT!
Stand up for you, take care of you. I am a Christian and I don't understand how our spouses can say they are believers and consistently act in ways that contradict their faith. Do we all make mistakes? Of course. But there is a difference between occasional oops-es and repeatedly choosing to engage in unfaithful behavior. And it sounds from the messages like your W was doing the pursuing at various points...
Not trying to be negative. I am just saying that spending the next 6 months trying to find conclusive proof that she is cheating won't help your situation. Figuring out what you are/are not willing to stand for, will help you tremendously.
