Another Wife Hit By The Bomb #4

[mulesqb]

{{Amy}} I did work today and then had to clean after, so I didn't get home until around 5:30..blah..long day I haven't been able to go to church for the past few weeks, and I'm bummed about that, but I am off next Sunday..hooray And the NEXT Sunday, I'll be out of town

Ugh..was gonna come on here and ask advice about something to say or not say to hub, was gonna be good and wait 2 days, but, hub walked in, started a similar discussion, and whammo..LOL..I said it anyway..we had a small blow out..so, if anger is good, then I guess he still has some emotions for me Anyway..we ended it ok I suppose..but whatever..

I ended by asking him if he was planning to take our dog, really it's HIS, he spent more time with him and really wanted him when we got him, when he moved out (I think I liked to give him the idea that I am thinking he's gonna move and not be freaked about it)..anyway..he said "not right away" and I was like "well I would think you'd look for a place you could take him" and he was like "I don't know what I'll have for money"..and I said, to the dog, "I guess I'll have to put up with you for a little longer", hub said "Yep" and then I said, "technically, I don't HAVE to..but I will" and he said, "you're right"..

What our "discussion" boiled down to is that, for the past 2 days, every time my husband even speaks to me it's "why isn't this done, did you do this"..in an accusatory way..for example, even AFTER we had the discussion, he asks me if the dog has eaten yet, but instead of saying it like THAT, he says, "I guess the dog hasn't eaten yet"..and I was like, "hello..THAT was accusatory"...

my hub has always had a tendency to be negative and I think this is really bringing out the negativity in him..without me as his "governor" so to speak..I would be the one to be like "hon, calm down" or something like that..

Anyway..with the accusatory thing, at the end of it, I apologized for not following my own rule about letting things go for a few days and seeing if it was worth talking about, but that I would appreciate it if he was respectful to me as I am being to him. He apologized and said that was true and that he didn't mean to blow up at me..so..ugh..

I also told him that I should have known when he called it would be for something negative, as he doesn't call for anything else and he asked, "like what", and I'm like, "well you use to just call to tell me how your day was, or that you were working late or whatever"..and then I said, "not that I would expect that now" THEN I was like, "yeah..why not? I said I'm not the enemy, according to you, so why not call me and be like, hey Tawnya, was just calling to say hi, or calling to say I'm working late or whatever"..cause I told him HE didn't like it when I nagged him so, I told him, if I knew that was why he called me tonight was to gripe at me for something, then I wouldn't have answered the phone and waited to be griped at later rather than in the middle of a movie I was watching with my daughter!

Anywayyyyyyyyyyyyy..LOL..I'm tired of the crap..maybe he does need to move for a while so he could actually miss me or not..well he SHOULD miss me anyway LOL

Sorry..I wrote a novel and didn't mean to..guess I should be glad I have this site as my journaling

Thanks for reading!

Tawnya

Hey Tawnya - A couple of things. One thing that helped me was to have NO EXPECTATIONS from your H. When he calls - don't expect him to all of a sudden start telling you about his day and asking you how yours is going. Remember he is much farther along than you are in being detached. So he is not capable of those types of calls right now. So don't be disappointed about them. Just understand the sitch.

I also would set boundaries on being respectful. If he can't be respectful to you - he should get out. You don't deserve to be treated that way. No one does.

Regarding the dog - do you want the dog??? If not, this is what H wants, then he needs to deal with the fallout - one thing which is the dog. Don't make it easier for him. I would say something like: so what is your plan for your dog when you move out?? Don't make any of this easier for him.

Also - don't get dragged into his drama. If he says I guess the dog hasn't eaten yet - say "good guess" and walk away.

What are you doing for Tawnya lately?? Sorry if I'm not up to date on everything. But it seems like you are reacting to his moods (I could write a book on doing that).

I hope you are feeling better today.