Another Wife Hit By The Bomb #4

[Amy M]

To, echo what Sandi said above...I heard an excellent explanation of the "I'm sorry" thing once...and, yes, Tawnya, I say it too all the time!!!

The explanation was given it the context of how men and women view the phrase differently. Typically woman use those words to emphathize. For example, I tell you a really sad story about my sitch, and it's natural for you to say to me, "Ah, Amy, I'm so sorry." I know you aren't taking responsibility for my sadness. You are simply telling me that you understand my sadness and that you care for me.

Men, on the otherhand, use those words to take responsibility for something they have done that has injured someone. And, in fact, they typically only say, "I'm sorry" if they feel they have knowingly done something that hurt. And, men typically deal with each interaction in terms of hierarchy. They enter every conversation subconciously saying..."in this convo. he's above me because he makes more money than me..." or something like that. Because of that, immediately, when dealing with a man, if you say, "I'm sorry" you are putting yourself in a lower position right off the bat. That makes it much harder for him to fully respect you because in subconsciously he's better than you already.

I've noticed it more lately as I talk to friends who are guys...sometimes I say, "I'm sorry" when they tell me about something that made them unhappy. Twice in the last 2 weeks I've had a male friend respond to that with, "Well, it's not your fault." So, I see it! I think you and I should both work really hard on that...especially in our dealings with men. However, when you talk to me, I'd still like you to say that you're sorry when I'm sad!!!!

And, on that note, I'M SORRY your H was a pain last night. I don't know if his moving would make things better, but in some ways it would make things easier!!! Just keep hanging in there and venting here.

Hugs to you!!
Amy