I'm enjoying my coffee with you. You are right the PA may be over the the MLC is not. Here either unfortunately and it is very sad. You will survive. Take this time to heal Hope from what has already transpired.
Having coffee with you this am.
If you focus on the past, you ruin the future. You can only live for today.
That's ok Kel, some mornings you need to have twice the coffee, and you are welcome to stop by as many times as you'd like. Wish we were all neighbors, we would be in each other's kitchens for coffee all the time! MT, thanks also for checking in. Love you guys.
Yesterday was a big day for me as far as healing. I was able to get a lot of my pain expressed to H, and he did not get angry or run away. He faced it and made some huge strides in making me feel secure. I was able to explain to him, and I think it sunk in, that he has had months to process his A that happened last spring, but it is brand new to me. I also was able to talk to him about how I felt so betrayed by her as a friend, how she had reassured me that she was a "flirt" but would never "cross that line" and how I had nothing to "fear from her." How things work out for the best and how H and I are so happy together and 1st H and other neighbor are miserable together. Yeah, right. Bitch! He never knew most of the things that she and I discussed when we were friends, how she had supported me during the death of my 1st marriage, then turned out to be the OW with him. It seemed to appall him, and he apologized.
Then something very strange happened. A friend that we have not seen for quite a while stopped by. H was resting on the couch from plowing, and I answered the door. As soon as I saw him I thought that he looked terrible. Deep circles under his eyes and he has lost weight. He came in and sat down to visit. Before long he told us that he and his W were separated. She has been fooling around with a friend of theirs. He went on to say that the 2 guys had been at their local bar after work one night for a couple of drinks together and the other guy, who had driven, said he was going to call it a night. Our friend, whose house is within walking distance said that he would walk home when he was ready to leave. Well, I guess he didn't stay long enough, because when he got home there was his W on the couch with the buddy! The buddy had left the H at the bar and driven directly to the W! Of course our friend was shattered. They have 2 small boys. He said, she says IDLY, have not LY for a long time. Hmmmm. Sure sounds familiar doesn't it? I sat and listened to him, but did not say anything about H's and my own struggle. This guy also knows very well our OW and her H, he was part of the group of guys that all worked together. Small world huh? Anyway, when he left H put his arm around me and said, "that must have been very hard for you to sit and listen to that." You didn't say anything about us, and for that I am thankful." He then told me that he thought we would make it thru this, and that we will be ok. He held me for a long time.
I think he has had doubts whether I could forgive him for what he has done. He saw for the first time that I will be able to forgive and let it go.
We went to bed early because we are getting more snow and he had to get up at 4 and probably plow for most of the day today. Did not ML, but held me and snuggled with me on and off for most of the night. 6 mos ago he couldn't stand to touch me. Now I am feeling loved again. It's amazing what guilt can do. It's more amazing what love and forgiveness and rebuild.
I know that the alien is still around, but as long as I can get love and reassurance it will be easier for me to continue on this path. I am very thankful that we had yesterday and I am really enjoying the peace and calm. Let the healing begin.
Most of us are about as happy as we make up our minds to be.
Yes Hope it is time for the healing to begin for all of us. You did beautifully. I am so proud of you and so happy for you. And listening to your friend was a fantastic thing. For both of you. I'm sorry there are so many people out there with these sorts of problems. I actually directed a friend here myself the other day. She needs to grow, learn, and detatch before she can make a decision about her life and M and no one in her life is doing anythign but saying get D. Which she doesn't knwo if she wants. It is really sad. So have another beautiful day.
I slept most of yesterday and last night cuz of the cold that has now settled square in my chest. But at least it is there and will go away now. Too bad I'm allergic to almost all cold medicine I just have to let my body do it's work. BG had a rough night last night. I hope she slept. We talked for almost 2 hours and she was calmer by the time we hung up.
If you focus on the past, you ruin the future. You can only live for today.
Hope, that is wonderful, I am glad that you two are working through all of this. Such a nice feeling, and great optimism. That friend was lucky to have you to listen too him, even without saying anything, you can help him by listening. Amazing how people come into your lives when you need them. Having H hear that from the other side might give him a bit more understanding also.
More snow! Lots more work for you guys! Have a great day today, Hope! Take care!
I stayed home today, emotions of yesterday afternoon took a toll on me and I need to rest.
Things are progessing I guess. I know that this healing process will often be painful.
Do you remember that I told you that I emailed the OW's H to tell him that my H had finally told me the truth, and that I was sorry that he had been right all along? Well, he showed up at my door yesterday. Seems that he doesn't read his email all that much these days, and had just found my message. I answered the door and stepped outside to talk to him. We talked for about 5 minutes and it was cold out, so we sat in his truck in my driveway and talked for about an hour. My H was in the house, lol! He knew who had come over, because we both heard the truck in the driveway and I said "who's here?" He said, looks like XXX. Then he walked back into the living room away from the door, so I went to answer it. I'm sure that he didn't expect me to do that!
We had a pretty good talk. Two shell shocked old friends, suffering terrible grief. I think that between the two of us, I am doing better than he. I know that it is because I have all of you and the DB book. He really doesn't have much. He was going to an IC, but it was hurting more than it was helping. I would like to be able to give him this site, or the book, but he is a smart guy, and I'm pretty sure that would lead him to this site, and I know that he would find me. That would not be good for him, I don't think.
Anyway, the fallout - so many months later, is beginning to ripple. I wish that it was not happening right at Christmas time, but then maybe that might be the best time to demonstrate forgiveness.
Most of us are about as happy as we make up our minds to be.
Hope, sounds like it was a very emotional day. Hopefully this will bring in full healing for you and you can heal completely. This time of the year is making everything worse I think, for the way I feel anyway. I am glad that you have your family and support to get you through all of this. Take care.
Well, H's family is behind me. Not sure about mine. I have not said anything to my parents... I just can't. My youngest son found out yesterday and is furious. Talked to him for a while this morning and he says that I have no respect for myself for staying with H thru this. He says that everyone in our town will now be talking. Grrrr! I knew that I would have to defend myself to people, just didn't expect that I would have to do it to my kids. Guess it makes sense. He is hurt by H's behavior too.
Oh well. We will all get thru this. Christmas this year though my just be H and I alone.
Most of us are about as happy as we make up our minds to be.
