God grant me the patience and the strength...9

[theotherhalf]

Thank you Creed, thanks for the support and the input.

My choice in this Creed is not that I want my "old life" back with my H. I want a "New life" with my H. I want things to be different as much as he does. I want what comes next. I'm hanging on for that, not what was.

Like I've told H. He says he wants things to be different and yet he still does the same, he needs to DO something different, as do I. The only thing different in H's life since he left is that he lives there and I live here. I'm working on those things, waiting to see if H will too.

And no I WILL NOT walk on eggshells the rest of my life. I have started sweeping them out of my way as we speak. I've recently thought long and hard on this and if H were to come back the way things are then they will not last and don't want to go through it all again. I have to be ME. I cannot play act and expect things to go well. I have realized lately that I do alot of protecting of my H. Have since the beginning. I keep the kids quiet so he can sleep. I referee between them to keep peace. I keep the dogs behaving in order to not tick H off. Etc.. It's ridiculous and I never really seen it till now. From yesterday forward it stops now. I am not his protector, nor his mother, and it's time he grows up.

Before MLC I honestly had everything I ever hoped and dreamed of. Well there is a couple of things, but pretty unrealistic. There is nothing else out there that I want. I honestly love my life. Just hate where it is at today. But have hopes for the future. My passion is painting/crafting. But in my sitch right now, it has fallen to the wayside. I dont' have the ambition right now to do it. I get them out time to time and try to get into it again, but it doesn't last.