I was unfaithful #4

[Sanderika]

M,
I was treated like the enemy so many times I can't count them all.... IMO it comes and goes.

My H hasn't done very much for us around here at all either.

I can count on one hand the number of times that H has done something nice to help me here at the house with a house thing. In 40 months for all practical purposes H just walked away.

Sure, H has been here many times...It was me doing something nice for H while he was here. Talking nice conversation, Feeding him, ML to H, Doing whatever H wanted me to do...You get the idea.

I feel looking back that it has all led to a more positive place though. I feel we are much more connected right this very minute than we were say 5-6 months ago and 11-12 months ago and going back even further. I think H feels the same. H is still unable to make a change in his current lifestyle though.

Time, baby steps and consistent behavior DO make a difference and DOES create changes in the way your WAS sees things with you.

I never asked H for anything in the past 40 months. I am stubborn that way. I see it that if it needs to be done do it, I want H to also see the independant me. I want H to know that I can handle it alone. Like I have said before, H wants to come home to changes and does not want to come home to someone who is dependant. I think it is better for us to send that message and it is also only proven with time. Our H's do not want to come home to that train wreck. They will NEVER come home for that. Our H's want to see strong, confident, independant, beautiful, fun and loving women. They want to step back only when it is proven that these things are true. That again means time and lots of it.

You know, I have no more clue than anyone else how my sitch will ultimately turn out. All I know is a D has been filed and my H and I are still talking, having nice visits and ML. We must be doing something right. 40 months is a long time to stand. I have been this far I can go longer. Is it the right thing to do? I am not sure. Is it going to be in vain because I will end up D? I am not sure. What I do know, is standing right now feels like the right thing to do. I am alone for the most part in my thoughts. I do not have one friend/family right now who agrees with what I am doing. I have almost had to keep my mouth shut around them all because they are so against what I am doing. I, like you want to see things turn around to marriage restoration. I have to do what I think is best for me right now. I also don't want to look back and say I gave up on something so important.

They also go in and out of secrecy. They resort to telling lies when this happens too. I do not completely understand why they feel like they have to lie. My H lies to me about something every time I see him. I know exactly when he's doing it and he is oblivious. I know him so well I see right through him. I somehow get a chuckle because H really thinks he is pulling one over on me. I don't confront him, I just let it go. Keep in mind he is lying to the OW as often as he is lying to us.

My salvation sometimes is the facts that their R is based on... Cheating, Lying, Sneaking around, No Trust, Controlling by OW, Lots of Drinking, I could go on and on....I can't see how it could last.

For me and H...We have a S, We have a huge history, We have assets, AND now we are friends...We still ML. I will continue to stand and treat H like I do...Hopefully it will payoff. I am being homest with H and I think H appreciates my honesty among many other qualities.

Got to run....Will check back with you...Take care....

Sanderika