Cleaning out Clutter - ? For Men

[MsMelancoly]

Hi Julia, Yes, with my scared little boy H - I am trying to do both. Break down the wall. So yes, I'm DBing - following your lead. Although for me - it's back tracking. You know trying to step backwards in the footprints I have already made in the snow.

So I did some research today. My H only has until next Friday to serve me D papers (then his 60 days has run out)! Will be interesting to see if I suddenly become a priority.

[AliSuddenly]

Hey Mrs M.. seems your contact was well received and he doesnt sound in a happy place (and whats all this Bob/jail stuff!??)

I think thats very very interesting, about the 60 days being up soon. Next Friday (is that the 12th?) is a Full Moon and its about culmination and bringing matters to a head.. ao yes, will be very interesting to see if he does something, or not, by next Friday.

Do you plan to contact him at all, or not between now and then? (I'm guessing not).

Thanks for posting on my thread lately, the boards (at least for those of us that have been apart a year or so) seem a bit quiet.

Al x

[MsMelancoly]

Hi Ali, Thanks for stopping by & for the astrology insight!

No, I don't plan on contacting him - I'm laying low. Yes, it shall be interesting.

In the past I was the one that always gave him sound advise. Like when we met last month, he asked if he should just give me the papers.?! I thought, sorry - I'm on the other team - not on your team, I can't help you with this. He's got to figure this out & do it himself, since he decided to file instead of talking to me.

Well, today I'm putting up some Yule decorations. I didn't do it last year, I was too depressed. This year I'm pushing forward & may even go buy a small real tree

[JCJ]

(((Ms M)))

I would just keep quiet and not mention it till at least after the 60 days like you said.

I'm so pleased you are putting up decorations. I did that last night with a friend and we had so much fun. Now the house looks so nice a cosy it makes such a difference! Plus you are doing it for you because you deserve it. How lovely to have a real tree, I just love the smell! So festive!

[MsMelancoly]

Hi Julia, Last year I was actually too depressed to decorate.

But this year - yes I had a nice weekend decorating. I pulled out all the boxes of decore. I put up the fake ivy, which had always been my H's idea to bring some green back into the house. Have to say - he was right!! I went & bought a real tree too! I ended up getting a, I think, 6 foot tree. Had them load it in the back seat of my car & I drove home with the window open so it would fit! ,lol. Then I brought it in, set it up & decored it with red lights, red bulbs & pine cones. The red lights make it so much more cozy! The pine smell is wonderful - I agree with you! My H always loved the smell too. In the past we had 8 foot trees, I think. When we had our 1st tree my younger cat, was just a kitten of 4 months. He climbed the tree & I took a fantastic photo of his head sticking out of the tree w/the pine branches all around his tiny face. It was adorable!! I even sent the photo out as cards that year.

Am I a bit melancoly - yes, but that's life & it goes on whether my H chooses to be a part of it or not. I'm content & happy at the same time too (yes, all 3 emotions at once) - so no worries.

[MsMelancoly]

Well, based on Ali's astology, I will make my own prediction for my own sitch. I predict, my H will not have D papers served to me this week. And that I will have to start the D process & serve him. .... Still I'm in limbo & want out!!

Why, simply put, I do not see anytime soon that my H will straighten himself, his life out. I am beginning to realize he is not the person, I need or want him to be. He is just not capable nor has the skills of solving adult issues in a adult way.

[MsMelancoly]

Journaling again. It seems my H's 60 days are up to serve me D papers. I thought this was a move forward that my H & now I wanted. It seems he still doesn't know what he wants??? OR maybe he just can't follow through with it. He is an avoider so it makes sense.

What do I do now???

[AliSuddenly]

Hey Mrs M...
Wow, so he didnt serve??? I agree, he is avoidant and already said he was scared of giving you D papers and unsure how he shoudld do it??

Do yuo need to be D? For financial reasons? If not, can you just wait and continue your strategy of trying to build up a friendship like Julia has been doing?

OR.. if you have realised he is not the man for you.. then maybe you should proceed with the divorce?

Al x

[MsMelancoly]

Hi Ali, Thanks for stopping by. Well, I have all assets & he has debt. So yes & no. I would like to progress on the friendship.

Sad, to say But I still do love him & want him. He's the man for me - just not emotionally. My H was influenced as a child by his parents & so was I. My mom had an A when I was 3, D'd my dad. And pretty much waited for the other man & got M 15 years later. My dad never recovered, never really dated & to this day still holds a grudge towards my mom.

[MsMelancoly]

My journal for today - very strange. So I emailed my H to ask if he wanted to come over on Sunday to have a Winter Solstice dinner.
I emailed: Hey, So how has work been .... any better?? Hope so Just wondering if you would like to have dinner with me on Sunday to celebrate Winter Solstice?? I was thinking Greek takeout.

H replied: that would be fine.

I emailed: Cool. What time is good for you?? So how have things been going w/you??

H emailed: ok I guess busy and poor. Oh I did get the divorce thing wrong and I was to serve you in 20 days so now I don't know what I have to do. I was to give you a paper and then you give it back to me. The whole thing is so hard to understand. I think anytime around 6 or 7. Or anytime really.

I replied: Good to hear you are busy - not that you are poor. Anything I can do to help? Divorce papers, don't know what to tell you. Do you have a court appointed person to talk to? Would you be willing to take a look at my wipers?? I can't figure out how to change them (got so pissed on Sunday when I tried & failed). If not that is ok. Personally, I prefer 4 or 5. Anytime is good for me though, whatever you decide.

Then he sent me another email

Do you think you could meet me at the court house on the 23rd to talk to them. I think if we are both there we can get this done with out having lawyers and refilling. The 23rd is when the county attorney is back.

I replied: I didn't think there was a "WE" in this process - LOL. All I can say at the moment is possibly. Talk about it on Sunday - maybe???


All I have to say is DAM !!- LOL I can't believe this - now I have to help him with the D papers!!! He asks for my advise on what to do??? This is just too funny - really it is