I've seen remarkable progress from where you started.
But as you know yourself, there is a long way to go yet, and many of the posters have pointed out what you already know. As much as we want to see you get to where you need to be, we can't jump through the screen and help/guide you. It will have to be decisions and choices that you make happen on your own.
I want you to think about something though. You say it is your choice that you want your life with H back. It is you that says although you're sick and tired of it all by now, you'd hang on to get back what you thought you once had.
TOH, do you, if your H came back fulltime, feel that you could walk on eggshells for the rest of your life? Could you always keep bottled up your emotions in hopes of preventing him from going off the deep end again? Could you still find TOHs own life if you were putting all of your effort into TOHs and Hs life?
Use this time to grow yourself. Use this time to expand your world, your dreams and goals. What have you put aside all these years to take care of your family? What dreams did you have as a young girl? What is the thing you have the greatest passion for (and no, you can't use mother/wife/famiy)
No one here can tell you that what you're doing will work/not work in your situation. But we can tell you that you do NOT want to walk on eggshells the rest of your life, trying to second guess his every move/mood, etc. So make those changes in your life now. They can only improve your life...and if your H comes home for good, he will find someone that is new a 'challenge', and that could make for some very nice fireworks.
Yes, right now he is a cake-eater. Disgustingly so...but that doesn't mean that you have to stand by and watch him do it.
It's time you do a 180, and start hinting to him you like cake too!
Women are angels. And when someone breaks our wings, we simply continue to fly...on a broomstick. We are flexible
