You know what your wife is doing, has done. You know when she lies by omission, commission or flat out. The question is.. do you keep watching her (like a TV show) or get up and work on you?
Have you sought out counseling, someone to help you with this, on establishing boundaries? A book which gives great perspective for your case is "Not 'Just' Friends" .. I found it very helpful.
Being in a good place allows you to make good decisions. Emotions run high even when you think you're calm. I know having a great counselor has been a godsend to me.
Her turning to another man to be her emotional support undermines your marriage. You may see this as a betrayal. She may see it as a pacifier. She's where she is because she can't, won't or doesn't know how to talk to you. It's easier to be adored than to deal with something she doesn't know how to handle. This guy is a distraction, her relationship with him allows her not to deal with what's really bother her.
Who is ambivalent? What do you want, truthseeker.. what do you need? How do you become the best person you can be.. for yourself and in turn those around you?
