Still More to Learn

[AlexEN]

Don't mean to burst your bubble, but my wife's been in counseling, but, as she sometimes tells me what's been talked about, she's spun things in the way I described in my sitch (where she has a revisionist version of history and everything that's wrong is my fault); until, and if, she hits bottom and is willing to really work on herself, my opinion is that it's a reinforcing loop. In beoming an adept liar, and leaving one's conscience at the door, it's not surprising that they can "fool" a counselor into thinking they've done all they could and the LBS is a lost cause. She's looking for someone to support the decision she's already made and isn't sincere about wanting to look inward. Unless your wife has that mindset, I'm not convinced counselling in and of itself helps. Obviously, there are counsellors who can see right through that, but they're, IMO, and I'm probably ticking a lot of people off, few and far between. And, I don't fault them for that,don't forget our WAWs have justified and rationalized in their own minds what they are doing (and can compartmentalize to the nth degree) AND they've fooled us. It would take a counsellor quite some time to see through that IF they even knew to look for it. My wife and I did some MC, but, in retrospect, she was lying during that whole time, too, and rather convincinly so. As Beth pointed out, it ultimately has to come from within. It isn't in our control. How long we wait is up to us. That's why it always come back to working on oneself and, moreover, being true to one's self rather than relying on our spouses and/or counsellor's to fix things... Have no idea if any of that made sense...

One man's opinion...

-AlexEN