I was unfaithful #4

[mamanpc]

indeed yes, Mof3, i do sometimes wish i could go back in time. But that thought doesn't last long since it's utterly impossible to do so. So i'm trying hard to look to the future.

So sad for your MIL to see your sitch!

One thing that someone posted on my thread that helped me was to imagine that every time i ML with H, it's a blow to the R he has with OW - that i consider it as a gain for me since he still desires me apparently. That helps me NOT think about OW when we ML or, if i do, i'm thinking 'yay, my turn and i bet it's a lot better than with her'. Not ideal but it does help

Meanwhile i am being laid off and trying to find a new job... not exactly the ideal sitch for me either! at least i do have opportunities and it looks like i'll find something. But no firm contract yet so meanwhile i do every now and then freak out about my professional sitch too. Of course the last person i can confide about that is H, in fact i think that because i sought support from him re:my job worries, that drove him back to OW because he thought i was 'a pain, talking about my work all the time'.
So i know that i can't stop for a moment to do 180s, GAL, try to PMA (+ mental attitude) and imagine that he's a very friendly roommate that i share the house with.
i don't sleep and don't eat much - this is the 1st WE with the new sitch ie him f**king OW while we are leaving together. Previously we were separated when he had R with OW. Very tough for me not to cry and mope when he's around and i HATE seeing him apparently happy and pleased with himself. I dream of killing OW or destroying her house and a few times when we ML i found myself scratching/biting/pulling his hair. Succeeded in stopping that when i imagined that ML was 'one-upping' OW. That was important because i don't want to turn off his desire for me in spite of the weird sitch i have.

Sorry for the long post... bon courage like we say over here (I live in France).