Matilda, My W initiated physical intimcay with me, and I was not able to relax. She was terribly hurt.
We had a nice evening dancing, and then came home and spent time in front of our fireplace. We went to the bedroom, where I started to have performance issues. She also was pushing me to have unprotected sex, citing her age. She was upset that I dodn't compensate for the performance issue by being more proactive in other ways sexually.
I tried to explain to her the difficulty of trust after her sleeping elsewhwere. It was to no avail. She kept pointing out how she doesn't have sexual issues, and angry that I didn't acknowledge my issues in the past. She also feels justified in her sleeping elsewhere in the past.
She says that she has been committed to working on the M these past several months.
Out of frustration, I told her that if she was that unhappy, she should fie for D. This created anxiety in her that I was going to file.
I suppose, looking for positives, that an awkward physical encounter needed to occur. We were both flooded by emotion, and couldn't move into problem-solving. I don't trust that she's going to let me work thru physical intimacy issues at my own pace. She doesn't trust that I want to work thru these issus at all.
Earlier in the evening, she requested that I go to the dentist to have my teeth whitened, to work on having a clean breath and body before retiring to bed.
I sent her an email this morning teliing her about my commitment to the M, and that I will work on her request for improved bedtime hygiene. I put in a request to her to improve respectful communication towards me, especially when she is frustrated or has a complaint.
CL
CL 53 W 54 M 20 yrs. 03'-09' Separation + Old Patterns + GAL 10-14' Piecing
"The Master allows things to happen. She shapes events as they come."
