The last couple of days not sure what to think, spent Friday together just like we always have, the bank, and mexican for supper. I wasn't very talkative on Friday. Just feel like why are you here, you have your nice family waiting for you. Everything was nice, we sat and watched movies on the couch, he started to mess with me some, but he said do you want me to stop. I said I don't care. Which I guess is true I didn't really care at that point.
Last night, I decided about 6 to go to the mall over in MO. and did some shopping, there is a Steve and Barry's that is going out of business, and I have a gift card from last year that I won when they opened, really sad, they are closing cause they have such great prices! So I went there and then to TJ Maxx. Got gas for $1.54!! I was only gone about 2 hours, but still had to proof read one of my study groups paper, so I came home and did that.
H came over around 9:00, said he heard some stuff on the scanner and wasn't sure where it was at, so he said he would come check on me. A couple of nights ago, there were some people out by the end of the driveway talking, I would say road hunters, but I had asked were the mag bullets for the rifle were (they make a louder noise than the regular ones) No I am not going to shoot anyone, but I will shoot into the air to make a point! So he found them for me, and then he through clay pigeons in the air for me to try to hit with the rifle in the dark, no I hit NOTHING! LOL.
So he said he heard the stuff on the scanner and wanted to check on me. I told him I hadn't been home very long and had just made some chicken, with french fried onions as the crust, very good. H asked what was in MO? I said nothing. He kept asking if I was OK, he said it looked like I was going to cry, I said no I am fine. Well I was tired, H knows I haven't been sleeping the best, and I keep dozing off on the couch during the movie we were watching. H asked me again what I went to MO for, I said I just went to Steve and Barry's. H said who did you go with, I said no one. I think he was surprised. H keeps saying go to bed, I will lay down with you. I said no you don't need to do that. After I dozed some more, I finally said OK, I said do you want me to turn on the heated mattress on your side, H said no, I would fall asleep and then be late for work, I said no my alarms are on you wouldn't be late.
We lay there for a while, and he got up to pee, and then went to leave. I said you going? H said yeah, It doesn't feel right to lay there. I said Why? H said I don't know. I am not sure how I put it, but it was to say, oh you feel right sleeping other places. H said NO, I don't feel right anywhere, I have no where to go. I said, this is your home, You are always welcome here. H said I know, but just doesn't feel right. H said I will see you tomorrow probably. I said OK. I got up to turn off the lights (I forgot to put my chicken and rice away..dang it), H gave me a kiss and a hug, and I went back to bed.
H had said he was going to call me Sat morning on his way to work but was hoping I was sleeping and didn't want to wake me up. So this morning, I was thinking about him so I figured I would just call and tell him that.
H seemed really happy to hear from me. Told him I am sorry he feels like he has no where to go. We talked some, said he was going to call but was hoping I was sleeping. I said you know better than that! We talked and sat in silence for about 10 min, while he walked into the plant and punched in. I told him I need to go to start getting decorations out. H said I will see you tonight. (chiefs game)
I know this is his doing, but I feel bad for him. I know that is terrible. I try the being unavailable, but not doing the best job at that. I am just confused too, I guess.
