That's ok Kel, some mornings you need to have twice the coffee, and you are welcome to stop by as many times as you'd like. Wish we were all neighbors, we would be in each other's kitchens for coffee all the time! MT, thanks also for checking in. Love you guys.
Yesterday was a big day for me as far as healing. I was able to get a lot of my pain expressed to H, and he did not get angry or run away. He faced it and made some huge strides in making me feel secure. I was able to explain to him, and I think it sunk in, that he has had months to process his A that happened last spring, but it is brand new to me. I also was able to talk to him about how I felt so betrayed by her as a friend, how she had reassured me that she was a "flirt" but would never "cross that line" and how I had nothing to "fear from her." How things work out for the best and how H and I are so happy together and 1st H and other neighbor are miserable together. Yeah, right. Bitch! He never knew most of the things that she and I discussed when we were friends, how she had supported me during the death of my 1st marriage, then turned out to be the OW with him. It seemed to appall him, and he apologized.
Then something very strange happened. A friend that we have not seen for quite a while stopped by. H was resting on the couch from plowing, and I answered the door. As soon as I saw him I thought that he looked terrible. Deep circles under his eyes and he has lost weight. He came in and sat down to visit. Before long he told us that he and his W were separated. She has been fooling around with a friend of theirs. He went on to say that the 2 guys had been at their local bar after work one night for a couple of drinks together and the other guy, who had driven, said he was going to call it a night. Our friend, whose house is within walking distance said that he would walk home when he was ready to leave. Well, I guess he didn't stay long enough, because when he got home there was his W on the couch with the buddy! The buddy had left the H at the bar and driven directly to the W! Of course our friend was shattered. They have 2 small boys. He said, she says IDLY, have not LY for a long time. Hmmmm. Sure sounds familiar doesn't it? I sat and listened to him, but did not say anything about H's and my own struggle. This guy also knows very well our OW and her H, he was part of the group of guys that all worked together. Small world huh? Anyway, when he left H put his arm around me and said, "that must have been very hard for you to sit and listen to that." You didn't say anything about us, and for that I am thankful." He then told me that he thought we would make it thru this, and that we will be ok. He held me for a long time.
I think he has had doubts whether I could forgive him for what he has done. He saw for the first time that I will be able to forgive and let it go.
We went to bed early because we are getting more snow and he had to get up at 4 and probably plow for most of the day today. Did not ML, but held me and snuggled with me on and off for most of the night. 6 mos ago he couldn't stand to touch me. Now I am feeling loved again. It's amazing what guilt can do. It's more amazing what love and forgiveness and rebuild.
I know that the alien is still around, but as long as I can get love and reassurance it will be easier for me to continue on this path. I am very thankful that we had yesterday and I am really enjoying the peace and calm. Let the healing begin.
Most of us are about as happy as we make up our minds to be.
