When H began having some of his panic attacks, it was scary because we had never seen one before.
I am glad you went for some medical help and you now know what to do about it.
I will keep you in my prayers.
The Bomb: 08/05 H moves out: 06/2006 H moves back: 01/07 & Out again: 01/07 H moves back: 03/08 & Out again: 04/08 H moves back: 05/09 & Out again: 07/09 Divorced 08-12 Kids: 22, 20, 19
Cinders (((()))) Your body is over ruling your heart here, please listen. I have done yoga for many years. I am sure you would enjoy it. Look for a Hatha yoga class,they are many types of yoga. Do a class that includes yoga nidri-a type of relaxation/meditation technique. Take care.
I'm not sure it's caused by H or thoughts of him, as much as it is caused by me worrying if I'm not just going to 'drop dead' one day...(fear of dying). I think it's that, and that is something many people have, but I will need to take control of. Hopefully yoga or some kind of meditation can help me get through the worst. I think the biggest worry might be death and what will happen to my kids when I die...afterall, I'm doing most of the looking after them.
Anyway these are things that I need to deal with properly as they are unnescessary worries.
Thanks guys...
Love Cinders xxx
"In the depths of my winter, I realized there is within me an invincible summer" Albert Camus
H helped me put up the Christmas tree...I did the work, whilst he played with S5 then he put the lights in the tree and I decorated it with the kids.
After H left, I decided to move the tree, so I pulled it to the other side of the room.
It fell, it was CHAOS, the tree fell apart and I didn't have the strength to get it back up again in one piece (it's a fake tree) so it fell appart ! I held it crying and crying...I was so upset.
I saw the tree as my life...all broken, scattered and no idea where to start over...
ALl I could do was to slowly start picking up the pieces, unraveling the lights taking off the decorations..D7 helped me for a bit...so sweet. I was still crying. I told the kids to go to bed by themselves, that I couldn't help them tonight, I cried about that too....in the midst of it all I sent H a TM saying 'I moved the tree and it fell, why does this kind of thing keep happening to me?' he replied later that D7 had told him and that these things happen, not to worry too much about it. I sent him another one saying that I was very upset, even crying and that I had sent the kids to bed by themselves, that I was a bad mother, that I'm just not doing too well. He replied to just try to relax that things like this happen and to take it easy.
Guess I'm not doing too good. I feel that I want to isolate from everyone. Just want to be home and not see anyone...
Is it possible that a person just breaks down, because of emotional pain? I think I may be heading that way.
Love Cinders xxx
"In the depths of my winter, I realized there is within me an invincible summer" Albert Camus
Cinders, You are starting to bottom out. We all go through it to some degree. You've held it together far longer than I did many years ago. While you are hitting bottom, everything looks like it is unraveling. Once at the bottom, you'll stay there for a period of time and everything will most likely look gray. Everything will appear to be in a negative manner, but w/time, you'll begin to pull yourself out of that pit and life will look new and brighter once again.
Honey, it's okay....it's all part of the journey towards healing. As for the tree, I'm w/your h, things happen and be thankful no one was hurt. The tree can be salvaged and redressed another day. If it's not perfect, so what.
Cinders, I'm very, very sorry you are going through this right now, but I promise you, it will get better.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Dear Cinders, I am so sorry. Snod is right, you have held it together for a long time. Please know it will get better and try soooo hard to avoid the breaking down. Trust me on this one. It will hurt your children and then you will hurt even more. Avoid the isolation route it does more harm, even if you just do the school run its getting out,doesn't have to be a big social gathering. There are times when things go wrong and it all seems to happen together. I know when my x left just about everything broke down, I had a car accident and all my light bulbs kept blowing. Little mishaps get magnified. It is hard when your alone, but you are surrounded by people who love you. Don't be too proud to ask for a little help. I felt I couldn't because it was my husbands place to do these things,but people are only to pleased to give a little help. I hope tomorrow is a little better. It will get better, it just will. ((()))
When my ex's mid life crisis started I had panic attacks - horrible.
I went to my doctor and he put me on a anti anxiety drug until I could cope better.
I feel just like you do this month. I feel like I have about had as much pain as I can take. It is the Holidays that have been especially hard for me. That as well as the fact that my children are hurting also.
Me: 46 H:44 Together: 25 years Married: 20 years Separated: 11-30-06 Divorced 12-21-07 OW: EA began 2005 PA began end of 2006 3 children,20, 16, 6 ex asked for forgiveness 01/16/11
Hi Cinders,I was just reading your post and I couldnt help but shed a few tears for you. Lately I have been crying alot myself...I know your pain and it is here we can vent or whatever and it seems to help tremendously.... to have people in here know how we feel...
I wish I could of helped you when the tree fell...you said it felt like your life...broken....I dont know whatis happening to me but there have been lots of tears lately....lots of jealous thoughts... asking myself how could he of stopped loving me....
I went to ER this weekend was having heart / chest pain.... thank God it was not a heart attack.....he never called to check up on me and speak TO ME....at least pretend he still cares.....just a little... I wanted to call him and ask him it it was too much to ask for him to at least pretend he still cared a little about me....just a quick phone call to see if I was alright... but nothing....I did text him to let him know I was ok....no TM back either....
Maybe it is the time of the year... maybe more emotional... this was the first year of everything that is important to me without him...birthdays...anniversary...father's day...and everything else....I feel I want to just cry out LOUDLY.... here at my daughters house I cant do that I dont want my D13 to hear me still cry for her daddy...I am holding it all in and it is killing me inside...
I pray alot and it does help... but still the tears are there and my heart aches.... Jesus said He came to heal the brokenhearted... and he has.... but I still am very emotional...
My heart goes out to you...I am sitting here posting to you and my tears are flowing ..... cause I know the pain.. the jealous feelings...the why me...??? why us...???.
God be with you and me it is all we can do for right now...lean on him for comfort......
Hi Sweety, I am sorry you are in so much emotional pain. I know exactly how you feel. Hopefully, you will cheer up a bit soon. I also hope that your anxiety attacks will stop.
I know how difficult it is to get your mind of H! ((((HUGS))))xxx
