The damage is done. I can fix myself and give my girls a decent life. Give myself a decent life. Enough is enough.
I spent some time last night thinking about how ashamed I am of myself. But also thinking that there was so much good in our marriage, in our family. so I'll focus on that and learn to live in my own skin as a probably divorced man. And I'll let go of the guilt and anger and fear.
starting today.
You make it sound like the end of a process.... It is only FINALLY the beginning. This is SO TRUE! As long as you stop worrying about whats around the corner you won't drive off the road.
What you are going through, choosing to start, is life. It is something that most if not all DBers forget about durring "DBing". We forget that relationships/marriage/divorce or whatever is part of our life, not our life period. The Lord has strange and sometimes brutal ways of showing that everything is part of our life, the life HE gave us to live for Him. Whether we see it after a long road that ends with the admirable public choice to admit they are there and that you are choosing to fight them, or shutting down and getting angry and bitter and choosing solitude fight them on your own, at some point we all have to admit that those demons are there. Once we recognize them we can't move on until they are gone. Only then we start to live again. You can't install over a virus. I pray that I am right when I tell you that I really believe that this isn't another false start for you Dre. God brought all of us here for a reason....they say that at some point we consider ourselves lucky to get to these lows. Yes - because without them there can be no truly authentic 'highs' - just more moments in which we deceive ourselves into THINKING we have our sh*t together. You won't miss those days once they're really over with, Frank. I promise you that. The name of your thread is "Letting go of the fears"...if only it were that easy. The truth of the matter is that we have to face them. Head on. One by one. And kick their lying asses off the map. The light gets brighter everyday Amen to that. .
