At the bottom of the forum list is archived threads. It will take you to many, many threads that were helpful to me when I first came here.
As far as you h having some things different, they don't always follow the six stages. It really sounds like your H is in MLC to me. As time goes on and you sit back and watch you will see your h doing alot of what is described here.
Like I said, my H used to tell me that nothing was wrong with him. It was me. He liked the way he was and didn't want to change. He said no C and no AD's. I let him find his own way to solve his problems.
Be good to yourself and please take care of yourself.
Based on my last post, can anyone tell me if they agree or disagree that H may be in the depression/withdrawal stage of MLC.
I have been reading a lot of posts and thinking a lot about how H is bahving currently and think he may be in that stage. I think he has been in MLC for about 3 years.
We could tell you what we thing about the stages but they bounce back and forth so much. I used to think that my h was nearing the end of replay but that wasn't the case. Then I thought he was hitting bottom but like a bungie cord he bounced right back up again. Don't put into heart these stages. They are there to kind of give you a guide line what they are going through. Some take longer to get through this than others and others go through it quickly.
So, what I am gathering from my reading is that there really is not much at all to do with regard to the WAS in MLC. Is that right?
It seems the advice goes, do not try to interpet their actions, do not try to figure out what stage they are in, do not pay them any attention at all. Just work on yourself, which I am doing everyday.
The reason I keep asking these questions is I really do not get how to handle the MLC male when we do interact and I am asking what has worked and what has not worked from the viewpoint of those of you who have been through this.
Can one really DB someone in MLC? And if so how? I thought the LRT was working, but now it is no longer having any effect. I tried reaching out in a non-pressuring email, got a response but nothing else.
Yes, that is pretty much how it is in a nut shell. It seems the more you interfere with them while in MLC, the more they back away. That is until they are ready and have exited the tunnel. Like I said each sitch is different and you have to do what works for you.
I DB'd my h while he was in MLC. I was kind and understanding and there for him when he needed someone to talk to. It will seem like nothing is happening and believe me you will get frustrated, but things are happening with them and we don't see it right away. When my h would be out of contact for weeks at a time and I would see him, I could see the changes even though they were small steps.
Thank you so much. Just hearing from someone who has navigated this minefield helps so much.
I want to feel like I am doing everything I can to restore or rebuild the R. I realize that means lots of distance right now. I also realize that ball is mostly in H's court. It just helps to hear that I am not screwing up by leaving him alone. Honestly, it is a relief to leave him alone given what he is like right now.
Anyway, thanks again for checking on me and taking the time to offer me your thoughts. It helps more than you may know.
Wow, Beth, I did read this... It doesn't sound like my wife at all (so, if he is MLC, I'd say my wife is not), but just as painful to have to deal with! My thoughts are with you...
-AlexEN
New: What a Weekend
H-48 WAW-49 M-22 S-14,9 D-11 EA disc.-11/07 PA disc.-3/08 EA2?-6/08 to ?
I do not even begin to know enough about MLC to say whether your W is or is not in MLC. I have only recently come to the conclusion that mine is having a MLC, hence the name of my thread. I will say from the reading I have done it can manifest in very different ways for each individual.
Maybe you should check in with some of the men who post in this forum who know their wives to be in MLC. That might give you some better perspective.
Thanks for the sympathy and support. All of us here are suffering through loss whether it is due to MLC or whatever the cause. It helps to have people like you offering kind words.
