How to start from scratch in 12 Mos Separation ?

[SingleDad]

Jeff - What you said is so true "It is hard to accept that they act as they do. They all feel so entitled to a dream life and no matter what we do it is not good enough. In fact we are the source of their problems - all of them it seems. Always hopeful that she would come to her senses. Always the target of her anger. Always trying to figure it all out."

My W has such pent up anger focused at me...I think she blames me for having to leave me, having to find an OM, having to give up 1/2 time with her daughter - It's all my fault... she couldn't mold me into being her willing servant and needing to make her happy...

I have stopped calling her a month or more ago - I have grown to hate her voice.. Yet she calls me most days with an attitude - angry with me about having to re-arrange parenting time as though it's my fault she doesn't have enough time with her daughter. (Yet she is the one how left and wanted her new life) I have limited any counter arguments with her and instead I say "if that will make you happy". As long as she carries this attitude - there will never be any hope for reconciliation.

Last week I invited her over to spend family time together and decorate my tree. I tried to make it comfortable for her. I think she was fine... but every sentence out of her mouth was advice on things I need to do in raising my daughter. I did not respond negatively to any of her comments - but after she left I was frustrated; realizing her desire to continue to control how I raise my daughter, but continue to live her own inpendent life.

On another frame of thought - journaling:

I think of DBing is more for yourself than the ex... It's about learning how to go on and even enjoy a new re-defined life... If I do everything thinking about the W or that this activity should be a complete family activity, then I would not be moving forward. Moving forward is when I can enjoy the time with my daughter and not think about W. My daughter is my new family.

I think that God is teaching me what it takes to be a dedicated father on my own - I spend more dedicated time with my daughter than I ever did when my W was around. And now I can raise my daughter my own way without my W telling me how to do things her way. Maybe that is what is best

I miss the "dream of the family"... but when I think of what I had, it wasn't the dream - it was going through the motions - doing things W told me to do - contolling me.

Now the dream is my daughter when I have her - I enjoy that time more than I ever did before.

What I have difficulty with is my "single time"... I have been going to the gym mostly... Today I spent the whole day cleaning house.

Yes - I do want a complete family - but not with the woman who my W is now... I see her as being completely selfish.. she is angry and controlling - not the woman I married and knew for 6 of the past 7 years. I have come to understand what happened in my marriage - I have come to see my W for the way she is now - and know I do not want her as she currently is.

Is there someone else for me ? I do not know... I have given up hoping my W will change and come back to me... So I put up my profile on match.com... there is very little interest - most are not interested in dating someone who is separated... I guess that tells me that I will have more time to work on myself... I have to learn how to enjoy my self without feeling lonely... That is very difficult and something I have never done very well.