And I'm Still Learning

[I'mstillhopeful]

Some of it comes from the DB process being so counterintuitve, some if it comes from the shock of having lost a relationship one felt so certain would never tarnish.

So true. I thought we had the best relationship possible. People told me that we appeared to be so happy. The trouble is that our relationship looked really good to another woman who happened to be married.

Also it doesn't help when friends who are non-DB savvy warn that if the LBS appears to be too happy the WAS won't consider returning. (Of course in my case those non-DB friends are divorced because they counted on using guilt to bring the spouse back.)

He believes my H will dig his way out of the depression or MLC (he has met my H once and heard plenty about him from me). But something IC said planted a disturbing seed.

It is difficult keeping your PMA when you receive that kind of advice. Have you had a telephone coaching session?

I felt a lot of relief when I concluded H is depressed or in the midst of MLC because on a gut level, I knew that meant he'd be back here, someday. Yesterday, IC said have you considered the possibility that once H recovers, he may want to leave it all, his job, you, the city, maybe even the country? I replied that I had certainly considered it, I fear it all the time.

I totally understand. I remember feeling the bottom drop out of my life when the bombs started arriving and I considered that the man I loved dearly might be leaving my life completely. Perhaps you can take heart that if he is ready to return he will be committed to working on improving your relationship (as will you.) It has worked for me when I remind myself that I don't want to live my life with someone who doesn't want to be with me or considers me second best. So for me, not only will he want to return but he's going to have to be committed to working on a new relationship.

My H suffers from depression also. It has never been treated with ADs just talk therapy. Many times during our marriage he has been severely depressed and has withdrawn and has had trouble sleeping. It happened when he was stressed about his job, when his father died, and when his mother died. Little did I know that he was depressed because he was contemplating leaving our marriage.

In fact, during the last trip I began to consider that if it doesn't work out with H I will be just fine on my own, and, there might even be someone out there who is better suited.

I do not have time for a run before my evening plans, so no endorphins for me today.

I noticed that you are going to be taking Ballroom Dance lessons. I can't tell you how much Line Dancing gets the endorphins flowing. It's a good workout, the music is really upbeat, and people tend to laugh when they notice they are concentrating so much they forget which is right and which is left.

I like your perspective on the traveling. My H is the type who has to pack in as many activities as are humanly possible on any given day - you know, a man - so traveling without him will certainly slow the pace to a more acceptable one from my perspective.

Absolutely! And another benefit is that one has the opportunity to meet interesting people when one is traveling solo.