I'm back again. I just got done with some major praying with my friend. I feel hopeful, and I feel like I'm beginning to trust in God that this is what He wants and can provide, although I still have those doubtful voices whispering in my ear.

I know what I saw in my H when he was here.

He is confused. He is trying to force this change out of fear, and he's running. When things get difficult, he has a tendency to run. He is trying to escape from the adulthood we've built and recreate himself. I don't think it's a coincidence that the OW is 21. He even said she's immature, and I think she makes him feel both young and also in control. It's difficult to be on equal footing with someone, to be challenged, especially when you feel down on yourself.

He said he feels older than his years. The funny thing is, so do I.

I have to say that I honestly feel we will come together. I have faith in that. Perhaps this is not the season, but I have faith that there will be a season. I'd prefer not to divorce, but no one can make me believe we are done regardless of what the legal papers say.

The moment I saw my H, I knew I would marry him. I knew he was my other half. I will not give up on that.

My biggest concern now is how to play the next step. I'm trying to figure out whether I should let go or whether I should remain a constant. Am I better of keeping my place firm in his head, being a friend and staying in contact? Or should I go dark?

I feel like every time I see him or talk to him, he gets more confused but also I feel him coming back in tiny, subatomic measurements. I'm afraid that if I detach, I will be doing more of the same. Will he miss me more if i keep away, or if I am ever-present?

I can be there as a friend, as something he can no longer truly have, as a temptation and a reminder.

Or I can back off and force him to feel my loss and hope that he doesn't swallow his feelings, that I don't make it easier for him.

I'm not sure. Are there any men on here that want to offer some insight?

I know he cake-ate by sleeping with me today. I also know that he was trying to convince himself that it didn't change anything as much as he was trying to convince me.

~Nas


"Don't dream it. Be it."

First
Second

Me: 26
WAH: 27
T/M: 11/4