I am about to leave for in laws place for early xmas dinner and i am dry retching. I know I will be so down when i come back. H will be cold and distant or worse put on a happy face for his family. either way i will feel like s^&*.
I will look good, be nice but not joyous and I will stay only a little while.
Yesterday was a good day and I think it was because I felt H suffering. Today I am not so sure.
i get pangs of hatred towards him and then periods of longing.
I have got to get a grip and move on. I know i will be happy when he is not filling my head.
Did i mention yesterday that H was an absolute mess in his presentation. I was almost embarrassed to talk to him. Poor D had to have lunch with him.
