untying a few knots #9

[S.T. _I Made It!]

BG-had a rough day at work yesterday and just couldn't get here. Stop. You did the boundaries but someone asked were the consequences clear? Maybe instead of going to the party she throws, he should throw one for his S of his own. I know she will have a fit. Hold on, breathe. She will make this as hard for him to do what you and maybe he really wants to cuz she wants him in her life. If she agrees to your boundaries, other people there, then you are winning. If she gives him hard time and makes him choose you or son, she is hopeful that you will walk away and then she has her real shot. If he wasn't at least conflicted, he would have left. When I had my A, it was when OM really started pressuring me to leave H that I left OM. Your H is in a more difficult sitch cuz there is a child. He is not choosing her exactly, he is trying to choose his child and can't make it work with both of you cuz of her, not you. Talk to him. Don't argue, blame, whatever. Maybe you need to let it be for a little while until you are a little more settled with it. Maybe until after the holidays. Just act as if you didn't find anything out. Watch how he acts toward you. How he treats you only when he is there. Don't worry at all what he is doing when not there. Pretend he doesn't exist and she doesn't. See if he acts like he is saying about you and what he wants. It might make this easier to really decide if you can see that. This is a big big thing to correct. He can't do it overnight. He is not superman. Although he is married to wonder woman. LOL. You can do it but you are trying to stuff the whole cake in your mouth at one time. You can only eat it bite by bite. You want to do this, i think. But you don't know if he means what he says. Start there. Let him show you love, friendship, compassion. Keep the boundary for physical intimacy and see if he tries to date you. To court you. When you are comfortable that he may really WANT this, then move onto the next bite.

Oh crap I had something really profound to say and it flew right out of my head. Maybe it will come back later. She is going to give him a hard time. In the end, if he stays with you, he may have to take this to court because she is NOT going to easily give in to you being around her S. This is going to be a process. And if he is any kind of man, he will not walk away from this child. He has said he would, but shown otherwise. I give him a lot of credit for that.

That is it for now. I need more coffee. Good morning. I jumped in with my op before I even said that. Smile and be strong sweetie. Think about what I said. Will send email in the alt later today.

just had to requote this. I believe it is very right on, and that you should really consider it.

and I'm SOOOOO sorry I missed your bday! I really forgot! I'm so bad at bdays. and don't worry about this bday, remember, these are all just days, it is so easy for us to put sutch sentiment into a specific day, but every day is just like another. It's all about what we do within that day that makes it great or not.