Ps there definitely ARE ramifications to taking a mortgage holiday, especially if you can't sell the house right away! I guess in his mind there aren't ramifications if his (half-baked and totally unrealistic) plan goes through. Or there aren't any short term ramifications and he is only thinking short-term.
...hey Julia, glad its all helping! About the selling v renting.. have you looked online (try rightmove.co.uk) for comparable houses and possible rental incomes? You could go armed with that too. You could do an online quote pretty quick (try Endsleigh or DirectLine) for Landlords insurance too. If you dont currently have your mortgage interest only (?) I would offer to switch it to that too.. that way, it will cost him less in the long run and mean any potential rent would more likely cover the mortgage monthly.. and as you arent going to stay there 25 years, there isnt any benefit in chipping away at the capital anymore as joint owners.
Depends what you want to do.. do you want to keep the house, live in it with a lodger (in which case, I think you should absolve him of all payments/bills).. or buy him out (ditto) or, rent it out (you would then split any costs remaining after rental income has been deducted)?? Whats your goal here?
((Ms M))) I am all warm and cosy now; with the Christmas lights it is so nice here. Scented candles and all. You are right too; I am putting too much pressure on myself by trying to solve everything. I can imagine that meeting me is going to be difficult for him - that is why he is being a bit defensive etc. He is maybe trying to paint me in negatives so it makes it easier to justify his actions. I will be me, and show him what he is missing out on. I had such fun putting the decorations up with my friend and the house looks so nice. I bet his flat doesn't!! I will try and be as mysterious about my life and get him wondering, I like that and maybe test the jealous card... I'm not bringing up the car; he can go ahead and sell that if he wants - I'll pick my battles.
(((T))) I think he is only thinking short term. I won't say that the house won't sell I'll just say that I haven't seen any houses around our area sell but ours is extra nice with all the improvements that we have made so maybe it may stand more of a chance. I have spoken to a solicitor and they say that if we agree the house sale between ourselves it is fine. I def won't be f***ed over financially, I have been clear about that all along even in my desperate stage. Thank you so much for reminding me I don't have to decide in that meeting. I was putting 'fix it' pressure on myself. If he has a good reason for wanting to push things through and shares that with me I will consider things but unless he does that I have no reason to rush my decision.
I will try and keep my tone neutral. I will try to visualise that muffin sentence - it will really help, thank you!
(((Ali))) you are giving me such good financial suggestions, thank you. I will look into the interest option too I hadn't realised you could do that and gather some quotes. That would be a 180 for me to suggest that too as I always try and pay off debt - he doesn't prioritise that - I come across as very uptight money stuff sometimes, it runs in the family I get annoyed with my sister doing that so I can see that I would be annoying.
My goal is probably to rent it out, I am pretty certain of that. I need to move to the next stage for me I think. I don't want to buy him out or have someone move in with me here. I don't think I could share this house with anyone else and it would be good to create some new memories somewhere else.
I was thinking and in my email to him, the original one with Jody, I did imply he should sort things with regards to the sale of the house so he may have taken that a step further and be annoyed with me for now turning around and saying I want to meet to discuss. He may be wanting to fix things so I am going to try and validate lots and also show him I am perfectly capable as he tends to sometimes comes across as condescending (e.g. explaining what a mortgage holiday is - I know!!!) so if I show I am also capable then that may also be a good 180. I was so incapable after the first bomb and I used to be soooo capable. If I go with several options and the supporting information that I can draw on it if needed but no give no 'answers'. Then we may be able to work something out together.
I hope Sex and the City was good, and that your cold is starting to clear. You definitely don't want to lose your voice for the concert- that would be a nightmare for the whole of choir-dom!
Sounds like you've got the financial side of things under control (and WOW- great advice you've had!). I loved the top you're planning to wear, and the idea of putting them with some black jeans. Have you guys arranged where you'll meet? Remember to keep it light (and if that's tricky, neutral at best). Focus on the house and having that discussion- I'd wait for any other chat until after tht's done so you can both leave with some memories of laughing about something together. You're right that he's likely to be dreading this, and is no doubt under some pressure from OW. That puts you in the position of strength, IMHO, although it won't make the discussion any easier on you.
Hope you feel better tomorrow, in time to catch the Take That special in the evening- can't wait!! I wish we could arrange for FD, piano-man, newletter guy or any of those guys who wolf-whistle at you on the street to come up to you when you're with H on Monday and say something appropriately jealousy-inducing
Well, I'm not letting it affect me but I've found out why he needed to borrow that sum of money from our account. OW posted on my SIL FB wall that they were buying a new car. I thought as much as it was kind of obvious. It is kind of useful to know these things though and I can now read them without evoking too much emotion. He hasn't done anymore about selling our car or switching the finance to him so he will be paying for two cars for a while. What is he doing?? I bet she didn't know he had to come and ask to borrow the money from us.
I just don't understand why he has to have things now and doesn't get rid of the old stuff before buying new??? Welcome to the world of crisis I suppose.
Funny though we did the same thing when we moved in together, bought a new flat and got a new car. His family changes cars at the drop of a hat though. His dad bought a BMW drove it 3 times and then decided to buy a more expensive faster one and lost a load of money on it. The difference between h and his dad is that his dad can afford it. Although I am going to act as if h is competent at finance and that I have faith in him being able to balance accounts - this will be a 180 for me. That is not to say I will do anything that will put my interests in any jeopardy.
I'm not going to bring it up at the meeting. Just venting I suppose. His head will be full of those feel good/ new relationship/ exciting purchase endorphins so I have no r expectations from the meeting, it is business. I will be the boring serious stuff he has to deal with. I think all I can do is keep things light maybe try and inject some humour and just be me.
I am glad you worked out your goal - to keep the house until the market changes and rent it out in the meantime. Sounds like you have a stand repayment mortagge.. yes, you can switch (once usually) to a different method, so yes, I think suggesting switching it to interest only is a great idea. You just need to fill in a simple form for this, no charge to switch the terms. I dont see any benefit in continuing to pay off the capital if you intend to sell in teh next 1-2 years anyway and you will more likely cover your costs with rent if you switch it to interest only. Landlords insurance is abuot £200 a year (instead of buildings, so you cancel that) and the Landlords boiler certificate is about £60... and other than smoke alarms and presuming your boiler is not condemnded.. you could get it rented out ASAP I reckon!
So, what is the plan for tommorow, or have you not got one yet?
Al x
Me:40! H:37 Together: 12yrs IDLY & left 11/07 ADs 03/08 OW 8/08 Reconciled 05/09 now married! my thread
Remember stay strong & keep a PMA!