For the Guy with Kids and a WW Twenty One

[hopeful4her]

No posting last night, because my computer crashed after I posted on Karens thread. Now I can only post while at work.

I'm good today. I was actually good yesterday, too. I took my lumps like I figured I was going to get.

It's really a hard thing. Moving away from the wife. I don't contact her, or at least I try not to, unless its about the kids. I do engage her when she contacts me. I care about her and I do worry about her.

Even after everything.

Aside from that, I have been really trying to stay away from her. I don't initiate emails, texts, IM's or calls. Yesterday, while I was on my way to pick up the girls, she called me asking if I had the little one yet. I told her I was on the way. She let me know that the older ones were at a neighbors place playing.

She then starts to tell me how when she talked to S14, he was kinda blowing her off, he was changing his plans for the evening, he wanted to spend the night at a friends house instead of his dad picking him up. Her thought was that his dad was not able to pick him up or something. He must have been hurrying her up to get off the phone and I like I said before, she HATES that.

I just listened to her. I told her that I'll just tell him that he ISN'T going to spend the night somewhere until he talks to her. That was it. She starts in with how he just wants to do what he wants blah blah. She tells me that she has to work until 6:30 because she was supposed to go in at 9:30. I hear someone talking to her and then she tells me she has to go let someone out the door because they were closed already.

"Thanks for letting me vent. I'll call later when I get out of work."

I pick up D7, get to the apartment and talk to S14 and get the story straight. I do get on him about communicating better to us both and the usual complaint about how she and I are always the one to have to pick up or take and that includes his friends. Be nice to have their parents pitch in sometimes. He made a complaint about how she talks and has moments of silence and how he takes it. I let him know that he's can't go anywhere until he talks to her and he agrees. After, I take the girls to my folks.

As I'm getting the girls inside, the wife calls back from the apartment now. It had taken me over an hour to get to my folks because of an accident on the highway.

This started another 40 minute conversation. She let me know that her cell phone is out. I assume its because she needs to pay it again. We talk about S14. I tell her the convo I had with him. I alluded that I had to intervene again and I told her that she needs to sit his butt down and tell him what she expects from him. She starts to tell me how she can't make plans because she is always waiting for him or doing stuff for his friends, so on and so on. I ask her that if he isn't going to spent the night anywhere, that I'll go pick him up and he can stay with me. She asks me why I would do that.

"If you had plans. I'll go pick him up" I tell her.

She says that she has no plans. That she NEVER has plans. "All I do is stay here. I cook, I clean, I chauffer, I rent movies and then just fall asleep after they start. I have no social life!" She tries to almost threaten, "You know what? I AM going to do something. I need to get the hell out of here and socialize!"

I stay quiet.

We end up talking about Christmas and stars in with how its gonna be a poor one this year. I agree with her and I tell her some of my plans for cashing in some reward points at work to get them something. She mentions that she can't wait for this year to end.

She talks about her dad. I tell her a story of how today, one of my tellers got a phone call that her step dad had passed away. She broke down and just cried and cried. I tell her how I had to console her. I just hugged her and let her let it out. She She ended up telling me how she didn't get to say goodbye. I tell her story of my FIL and how I didn't get to say goodbye either. She wife says that she wasn't sure which was worse. I ask what she means. She says "Being there to say goodbye and watching them die or missing it and not saying goodbye. I think its worse to miss it even though its hard to be there, too."
I tell her I agree because then you live the rest of your life with regret.

She asks where I am and I tell her that I'm dropping off the girls at the house because I work tomorrow(today). She sounded surprised. I tell her that I'll just be doing the same as her. Going home with nothing to do. She tells me to tell the girls she loves them and to have a good time with grandma and grandpa.

I can tell she is getting emotional again. I can't really hear it but I know her. I can sense it. She reminds me to contact her at work or at the apartment because of her phone. We tell each other goodnight and then goodbye.

And I went home. Yes B called me. About 3 times. Yes I spoke to her. She was with her daughter picking out movies and getting stuff to eat for the night.

At the end of the day, I'm home. Alone.

On the drive in to work, I kept thinking about how the wife as treated me. With ALL her problems and personal issues from day one. And I do mean from day one. Issues. Baggage. I have always been there. In all her decisions she has made throught our time together. I supported her. I may have disagreed and told her so, but still supported her.

Always.

Also, why the hell, if he IS still around, doesn't OM treat her like a queen. Take her out. Spend the money on her. Make her happy.

Or is she blowing smoke up my azz and just giving me the "poor me" crap? Knowing her as well as I do, something isn't right. She is not the type to show that side to me. She only wants me to know how happy she is in her decision.

In an odd way, maybe thats a good thing for her to do. Letting me see that her life ain't peaches and cream.

I think she has started her downward spiral already. I'm not trying to save her from it, but I do listen to her.

Normally, I would get off work, go grab a Krispy Kreme doughnut and take it to her and just leave it on her desk with a note written on the bag.

"Hope your day is better
R "

I may have even done this as of a few weeks ago. I don't do those things anymore.

I may have concluded that we MAY be better off NOT married at this point.


And I'll take a hug anytime, karen. I'm always the one handing out the hugs in my real life. Time for some hugging on me.