Ali-he's always been addicted to video games. I think it's been more so since we've been in Ireland as we don't have the same social life we had in the US or London. Yeah I know H isn't totally emotionally present with me yet. He had said in his email that he still needs time to think etc., and that MC would be after the New Year. I'm OK with the distance for now, not loving it of course, but I know it's there. About dinner, it's true he never helped but what is also true is that I never cleaned-anything. So the division of labor was always more than fair I'd say. Yeah pre-bomb (in Ireland I mean) he didn't ask me about my day. I think that he has been depressed since arriving and resented me for talking about my job so much when he was so busy with school and had given up a good job in London for me. So by no means do I think everything is perfect and cozy now. I just think it's improving by baby steps. Some days we stand still, but some days see progress. Last night was a standstill time, but I was drunk and almost backslid so I see it as a success still :). It's true I don't really know what H is thinking. I know only what he shared with me in the email, and at least he said it's nice being together. I believe that if he didn't feel this way still, it would become quickly apparent. I am hyper-attuned to his emotional fluctuations, for better or for worse. I am looking to the actions and mentions of future talk now. We are about to switch to a new ISP and cable provider, and may hire a house cleaner, and these small things indicate some level of security. You are right about H holding the cards. I just am accepting this for the moment, again for better or worse. I see this as the time where I am making those love bank deposits, and it's a gamble, but one with nuch better odds than I've had before :).
Julia-yeah I'll need to keep being positive about the biz trip. What hurt me in a way, but through no fault of H's was the fact that he said he was going to Poland or Portugal but at least he'd never been to Poland. So it took me back to summer and how he never visited and I felt sick.
All-am on my way home now and have been out for about 5 hours. H is spending the day studying, so I was glad to clear out for awhile. I plan to cook dinner tonight, and maybe watch a movie with H. Regardless though, I feel pretty content for the moment. Even though I see what I don't have, what I do have is so much better than before that I am really grateful...
ITH
Me:34 H:36 M:5 years T: 8 years Bomb: 07/17/08 I want to be separated for 6 months--I don't know what I want the outcome to be S 07/28/08-11/08/08 Living together ~7 months D Possibly busted?!?!!!
