...actually, when he said "There aren't really any implications of the payment holiday, other than we wouldn't have to pay any mortgage in that time".. thats not strictly true. I shouldnt have agreed.
I feel a bit mad for you. My ex looked into remortgaging for us earlier this year and laid out in an email all the different options with compared costs over 1, 2 years etc... There ARE implications of payment holidays, as I have taken them (I am surprised you got 8 months worth though!! Its usually 1-2, you must have a good mortagge deal). They basically tack the interest on top of what you already owe...so if your interest is £1000 a month and you have a £100k mortgage, at the end of the period, you would then effectively have a mortgage of £108k. Threfore, your monthly payment would increase slightly to reflect this..so if you never pay back the gap in payments, spread over 25 years, thats quite alot of additional interest.
I'm just surprised he hasnt either laid all this out in an email to you, or even asked you what you think.
Anyway, sorry, I thikn I must've been a financial advisor in a previous life !
More importantly.. you need help in how to handle seeing him.. so.. anyone wanna chip in ??
Hey Ali - wanna advise me? I am clueless when it comes to financial stuff. Probably why I'm in the mess I'm in huh?
(((((Julia))))))
Sorry I haven't posted to you in a while. I've been so dumbfounded about your H's communications of late that I have no idea what to say.
IMO, validate that he wants a break from the payments, lay out the true implications in the added interest you will BOTH accrue because of the 8 months of unpaid interest. Ask if he would be willing to set aside the interest amount (as Ali suggests) in a separate account for that time period while you look for renters for the house. You can both pay the block amount of that interest at the end of the 8 months and hopefully the house will have been rented during that time and the market will start turning. You'd also be in a better season for home buying. I don't know about the UK but in the US "house buying season" is typically May-August because people with kids don't want to move during the school year.
Julia - I also put some info on your FB inbox. Take a look and let me know your thoughts.
T19 M15 S19 XH47 M43 bomb12/4/07 PA5/07 S12/26/07 D final 11/17/08 Back together with no defined R 05/2010 confused....to say the least!!!
...Mish! Why not I love a bit of finance talk. I didnt mean HIM to set aside money in an account.. his shortfall would be subtracted from his cut of the profit on sale, I meant Julia could, then you dont 'lose' out by getting less back when its sold (but you wouldnt anyway, as you have gained each month with no mortgage to pay).
If you get it rented, there wouldnt be a need for a payment holiday.. as the rent should cover it (??). What about buying him out, is that an option? Ok, seriously, I'll shut up now !!!
Ali - Is there a legal way to write it up so that the shortfall would come out of his cut? I'm thinking since it's joint property that without a contract saying that Julia would be stuck for half of his shortfall anyway, right?
T19 M15 S19 XH47 M43 bomb12/4/07 PA5/07 S12/26/07 D final 11/17/08 Back together with no defined R 05/2010 confused....to say the least!!!
This discussion is REALLY helpful. It has given me lots of ideas.
I'm going to take your idea of calculating the interest we would tack onto the mortgage as this would be a 180 for me and would show that I had thought through his suggestion. It would also show him in real terms the amount we would lose by doing this.
Thank you thank you!!
Mishka, also thank so much for the house buying season info. I think that is the same for us here. Also, that is a really good idea to just validate the fact that he wants a break from the payments rather than validate his whole idea of managing that with a mortgage holiday (I love the way the banks call it that and then sting you for thousands of pounds!!) which I just could not do.
All this is so great and such food for thought. Thank you!
I think it is just coming out in full now. I went out and treated myself to an electric blanket as I have been so cold at night lately and the DVD of Sex and the City. So I am tucked up under that watching the DVD eating clementines with the cat fast asleep loving the new heated blanket too. I have a busy week at work next week so I need to be better and I don't want to lose my voice for the choir concert, that would be disaster!
That would be disaster! Stay warm and enjoy the clementines! I'm looking forward to those going on sale here soon. They have them but they're $10 a box and that's just more than I'm willing to spend for oranges!
Enjoy the DVD!
T19 M15 S19 XH47 M43 bomb12/4/07 PA5/07 S12/26/07 D final 11/17/08 Back together with no defined R 05/2010 confused....to say the least!!!
Hi Julia, You sound so cozy & warm - hope you feel better soon.
Some good advise you have gotten. Remember, you can understand his POV & not have to agree with it. If you need more time to decide - then do so.
Your H showing no emotion, I can totally see. This is a safe place for him.
Ok, here are my crazy thoughts - not advise - just thoughts. Let's see I think Julia, has been going out & having too much fun & hasn't really had time to think about this. How about getting a roommate? How about a male roommate? Wonder what your H would think of that?? Always, wonder what the jealousy card would do??? In my H's 1st M - he was unfaithful - so his W was too with others & his BF!!! I do believe, he did try to get her back. It's it strange how our H's are so similiar & we are too (so loyal & all).
I think your priority in this meeting should be to make a connection w/him - not make a concrete decision. By connection I mean just meeting with him. Show him you are looking & doing great & what he is missing out on. Remember be mysterious!!
What's on the table the house & the car??
Me39, XH45 Kids 3 dogs, 2 cats Divorced 6/4/09 Tricky thing is not how you live, but how you live with yourself. (POTC)
I don't have much to add except get as much information as possible about what the specific ramifications of each choice would be, financially and in terms of being able to sell. As in, "if we take an 8 month holiday and we can't sell the house, our monthly payment will increase by 187 pounds." Or, "if we take an 8 month holiday it will extend the life of our mortgage by an additional 5 years and we will end up paying an additional 18,000 pounds" or whatever it is. I am totally making up these numbers. Also... "if we can rent the house, it will cover all of our mortgage, or 85% of it, or we will actually turn a profit" or whatever.
I wish there was a way he didn't have to "hear it from you" that the house probably won't sell in 8 months. Maybe you could arrange to meet with a realtor and him with the goal of having the REALTOR explain that to him?
I also think it would be REALLY helpful for you to meet with a lawyer to discuss how you should be protecting yourself. It *seems* that even though H is not taking any steps towards D, he is trying to unload your joint assets. Don't let him F--- you over!!! But you don't have to do that before you meet with H. Because you don't have to actually decide on anything at the meeting.
When you're giving him bad news I would try to keep the tone light and objective... not defensive. Like you're saying "these muffins are blueberry, not cranberry" instead of "our house will not sell in 8 months" "[are you out of your mind??]"
Just remember... stay cool and you don't have to agree to anything at that point in time!!! Keep it light and show him your beautiful fun and delightful self!!!
I hope you feel so much better... and that you're getting lots of rest!!
How about getting a roommate? How about a male roommate? Wonder what your H would think of that?? Always, wonder what the jealousy card would do??? In my H's 1st M - he was unfaithful - so his W was too with others & his BF!!! I do believe, he did try to get her back. It's it strange how our H's are so similiar & we are too (so loyal & all).