I went to see Slumdog Millionaire tonight - and it was just amazing - a beautiful film - which in many reminded me of Rohinton Mistry's A FINE BALANCE (a heartbreaking and beautiful book).
I stepped into a cafe before the movie and ended up having a nice conversation with a very attractive woman - oddly enough - we talked about marriage and relationships - as she was in school working toward a degree in psychology (an older student, btw...so nothing uncomfortable about talking with her). She had a stack of books in front of her on a coffee table (the cafe has couches and coffee tables instead of the usual tables and chairs) - and I noticed that she had three books that I had read in the last eight months...plus a book called Reconcilable Differences - so I asked her about that book - and we chatted for a while until I left for the movie.
There was nothing untoward or overly assuming about the conversation - though she did at first think I was a professor for some reason...which made me laugh...and we just had a nice conversation. It was nice to have a regular conversation with someone - even though it was about marriage and relationships and family, etc (all the stuff she was writing about at the time) - I didn't talk about my life or my wife or my situation - we just talked in general terms about the challenges and difficulties involved in making a relationship work...
I shared with her a story about a friend of mine that had just told me about his frustrations with his wife over how the family spends time on Sundays. He told me that he was upset with his wife because he really wants Sunday to be a family day - for all of them to be home - him, his wife, their kids - but that his wife is always going out - when I shared this story with the woman in the cafe, she just smiled and said, maybe he should have told her that he loves her and misses her during the week, and that he spends so much time working every day of the week, that it would just mean a lot to him to spend time with her and their kids on Sunday...in other words, she said, to sum it up, why doesn't he just tell her what he really needs instead of what he wants or what he wants her to do...so simple...I thought...and yet I hadn't even thought of suggesting that kind of response to my friend when he mentioned it...
So that was part of the conversation - and then I went to the movie - and enjoyed it tremendously. Coming home tonight to a quiet home wasn't nearly as rough as I has been the last few weeks - in fact, I kind of liked it - especially since I finally set up my new bed in the bedroom - and have "moved back into" the bedroom so to speak...I'm rearranging more of the house now - and plan on getting the holiday stuff out tomorrow so I can set up the stockings for the boys - and some of the lights around the living room. My S11 and I won't be here for Christmas, but since I've decided to celebration it with the boys on Dec 20 - before we leave - I'm going to get a small tree and do Christmas right...as a celebration with my children.
It's strange...I don't miss my wife much anymore...I often find myself thinking of just how comfortable it is not to have her at home anymore...her anger...her resentment...her strange way of getting competitive with me...It was something our MC noticed - but I thought she kind of over-stated her perception when she claimed that we were both competitive...I don't compete with anyone but myself...and have often felt sad and disappointed when I've noticed my wife getting competitive with me - as it was often during times when I would be turning to her for support - and instead she would make it a conversation about herself - and what she knows...etc...
Okay...enough of that...sometimes it's too easy to find the negatives in my relationship with my wife - I know there were positives too - I just find myself playing the role of a scale sometimes - feeling the weight of negatives thoughts pull one way one moment, and then having the positive thoughts pile on and pull the other way the next...ambivalence, I suppose - but it keeps my going in its own strange way.
Oh...tonight...when my W picked up my baby boy she told me, "well, I talked with my mom and she said she thought is was going to be a regular visitation weekend - so I was thinking of dropping baby off at 10am and maybe just picking him up earlier than usual...like maybe around 6pm." She said it as though I would mind spending time tomorrow with my son - which of course I wouldn't mind...so that will be nice...but it was just so silly that she had to talk about it in terms of her mother's decision...not her own...just before she left I stepped toward my baby to rub his head and tell him "I love you" once more - and she pulled him away and glared at me in her familiar venomous way...so I just said "I love you" out loud and then went inside...
I guess I'm just getting tired of the toll she's taking on us and my life...she's costing us a lot now - and making things a lot tighter than they had to be during the holidays...and her decision (or actually, her lack of decision regarding us) is also affecting my children - in that I now have to finance things a bit more carefully than I had been - and have to adjust how much I've been putting into each of their education funds...I haven't asked her to contribute to our baby's plan - as I don't think she can afford it - and I don't mind taking care of it myself...still...it just irritates me that she could be so petty and immature...and not step up and take responsibility for what she's done and what she's doing...yes, there's a touch of anger there in me...but it's mostly just frustration...which I expect will pass as well...especially if, as I am hoping, this dramatic change in my life will push me to push myself harder - in which case things will eventually be fine.
