Wow- there's some great discussion going here. Amy- you're FABULOUS!
This struck me when I was reading
Originally Posted By: Amy
Ball-bustin, Alpha women need Alpha males that don't take their crap. They don't respect any other kind of man. My theory is that your wife is a very pissed off, dissatisfied and bitter Alpha female.
I think this is SO true- if your W is a strong and confident woman who knows her own mind, then she needs you to push back against her to respect you. I know myself that if I have a [male] boss who lets me get my own way all the time, or doesn't call me on things I find it impossible to work for him (I'd like to give an R example, but it's so important to me to have that kind of pushback that I've never been out with someone who couldn't do it).
A man who knows his own mind, makes decisions and isn't afraid to voice his opinion is SUPER-HOT!!! Do it- put your foot down and show your W what's what!!
Yes, I think a lot of DBing for a guy is about confidence, GAL and not being a doormat any more. Which makes us attractive to our W's again.
A lot of this will depend on what your W's father was like. I'm guessing you're not a whole lot like him, so she has unmet expectations she probably doesn't even know are there.
My FIL is a dry drunk with incredible anger problems, so W would be shocked when I didn't fly off the handle when someone offended me. But she needed to see me man up, not necessarily the anger part, but feel like I'm going to protect her.
You're doing great Jeff! Stay in counseling, and definitely go for MC. It's really great that she's agreed to that so far. Don't get caught up in the "I need to see you change before MC" crap, which just leads to a stalemate.
Me: 30 W: 28 T 8, M 6 S: 7-27-2007 W filed (again) 3-2011 Served 8-2011 Responded, now dark "I have decided to stick with love. Hate is too great a burden to bear" MLK
A man who knows his own mind, makes decisions and isn't afraid to voice his opinion is SUPER-HOT!!! Do it- put your foot down and show your W what's what!!
If this a movie or a romantic novel this would be great to write this into a scene or chapter. In real life this is probably the quickest way for Jeff to get separate residences. But hey, if you're ready for anything then anything is worth a shot.
Women who have been used to living their lives and getting their way don't just step aside and suddenly let someone else control them.
This has to take time, and that is what Jeff has been doing on his schedule - working your way up, tackling a bit at a time, gaining strength each step of the way.
Live your life while you are still living. Riding the trail less traveled.
After I thought about it that's what I thought you meant, Amy. And you are right. I am getting too close to that. Another reason I need to get things moving soon!
(((((Micehlle))))) Good video!
I will be looking for the NUTS book. Passionate Marriage get here today! Amazon was quite fast!
(((((Lisa))))) We shall see what happens. I have never felt that she liked it when I pushed back, either. I don't know. But, what I have been doing has not been working, that's for sure!
W's father used to be, years ago, an angry drunk, from what I gather. I've never been either. Which isn't a bad thing!
I went to C today, nothing very earth shattering. She wasn't really thrilled at W's lack of enthusiasm for the clean room. I wasn't either, so that wasn't shocking. I told her that I thought I would give W an opportunity to give any further thoughts she has had on the letter. Which will also let her know that it is not going to be forgotten. I'll do that sometime in the next week, so that it isn't right on top of Christmas. I'll also need to get her schedule for January as soon as I can, so that I can schedule MC.
(((((WCW))))) You are right. The last thing I can do is try to control her. What I think I can do is take control of myself. She may push back on that, but I think that it is time for that to happen. The consequences might not be pretty, but things are not real pretty right now.
I don't think I will ever go caveman on anyone! I am a bit skeptical that W will react positively to "Alpha", but it is a possibility. The feeling I get from her, from things that have happened in the past, is that she SAYS she doesn't want to be in control of everything, until she starts to lose control of everything. Hard to deal with that.
Oh, C was impressed that I made the pies, and from scratch. She said something like "someone is going to like that" or words to that effect. Hopefully it is W!
I think I was saying something about being assertive at least with her (and your own opinions) in the house, so not to just let things slide by you. Personally, I hate being told what to do and wopuld react badly to someone trying to dominate me in any way whatsoever, but I did find my ex more attractive when he started to be more vocal about his own opnions. He used to be soooo easy going and non confrontational... but he was kind of weak, he let me get my own way... So, maybe not caveman, but more, um, assertive and confident !?? Be your own man...
I like the idea of reminding her about hte letter.. or maybe asking for her schedule for the MC will remind her? (or maybe she thinks she will be answering the letter AT the MC sessions??) Al x
Me:40! H:37 Together: 12yrs IDLY & left 11/07 ADs 03/08 OW 8/08 Reconciled 05/09 now married! my thread
Hey Handsome, your on page 2! I have just read this and it made me think of you and "another"
"During the credit crunch our famed British upper lip might not be as stiff as before but other parts still are," said Lisa Power, head of policy at the Terrence Higgins Trust, the sexual health charity that commissioned the poll."
