Another Wife Hit By The Bomb #4

[Tawnya]

Ok..so journaling here a bit..but this was just weird

We had gotten our car insurance bills, one bill for our cars and one for hub's motorcycle..now..remember he just separated our money and took out $1400 for his "own separate account" and, of course, when he goes, his motorcycle will go with him. So, I thought, it's only like $37, I'll put that for him to take..

So..I set it in his "area" and hub comes home and I was in the other room. I come out and he says, "is this sitting here for any reason" and I said "well I figured since when you left the motorcycle was going with you, it should be yours" and he said, "well it's a bill that goes with the rest of them, when I go I'll take care of it" and I said "well you wanted things separated so.." and he said, "I didn't say I wanted anything separated"???????? WTHeck..LOL

I just said, "ok" and went about doing what I was doing with the computer..

Tawnya

[carpenter54]

Tawnya.

This might sound tough

When my W decided over the summer to "punish me" by throwing the checkbook and credit cards at me.....and threatening to turn off all the utilities....I immediately called my insurance co....and got seperate policies for all my own vehicles. All utilities were in my name by the next day I even got my own cell account. Don't known if this helps....

[Amy M]

You sound like you are managing these interactions well. And, I know how frustrating they are...it's like you and H are on different planets sometimes!!! Have you always paid attention to the accounts, or is it possible that he thinks you won't notice the $1400 withdrawal? If you think it's possible that he might completely clean out your account, you might think about getting a separate one yourself and moving some money there. I did that...H was furious when he found out. But, I just said, I can't trust you.

Just try to keep the convos light and keep your chin up!

Amy

[Tawnya]

Amy..no no..I knew he had this money set aside, we have 2 accounts, we set up 2 checking accounts a few years ago when we got an identify theft from something on the internet, so we had set up a 2nd one originally for that purpose, to transfer $$ just to use for internet purchases, then we changed it to be used to set aside our mortgage money from each paycheck..so I KNEW he had the $1400 in there..I was just hoping he wouldn't take it all out into this new account, which he also told me about..

Just the statement he made about "I didn't say I wanted anything separated"..I was like, UM..hello..well let's see, you said you wanted US separated, our money separated obviously, you want a separation agreement..what the heck LOL?!

Carp..yes, if it came to that..I would do that in a minute, but, hub is suppose to continue to pay those..or I say he will be continuing to pay those house utility bills and stuff, that will definitely be part of our sep agreement, but you are right, if that got threatened, I'd change everything in a SECOND!

OK..so something even WEIRDER today..I was out with my daughter this evening and I said, "have you talked to dad recently", even tho he's still in the same house, he doesn't interact with the kids that much..she said "yes, we actually had lunch today"..I was like "What" then I asked if they had lunch usually ever that I didn't know about and she laughed and was like NO..LOL..she said he was definitely acting "weird", ok..she's almost 18 and he was introducing her to someone that we know that didn't know her, he introduced her as his "little princess or little angel or something"..SHE was like "what the heck is THAT"..she said to me, "Dad's being all overly affectionate and I Don't like it," then she said, "because he wasn't ever like this for 18 years, I don't want it now"..WHAT is that?

Then he told her that I didn't tell HIM that I had told our son about his planning to separate and I was like WHATTTTTTT, he and I had a convo not once but TWICE just the other day, once in person and once on the phone about that I had told him and then I even called him to tell him exactly what I had told our son so he wouldn't have to wonder..I was like OK is he LYING to her or did he forget?

It was just WEIRD..anyone with some insight..I'd love some Definitely sounds like MLC to me for my hub.

Tawnya

[lovehimso]

Hi Tawnya,

Then he told her that I didn't tell HIM that I had told our son about his planning to separate and I was like WHATTTTTTT, he and I had a convo not once but TWICE just the other day, once in person and once on the phone about that I had told him and then I even called him to tell him exactly what I had told our son so he wouldn't have to wonder..I was like OK is he LYING to her or did he forget?

I don't know what this is about, but my H does this too. I'll tell him something, we even have a DISCUSSION about it, and a couple days later when it comes up, he says I never told him about it! WTF!?! I think in my sitch, it has something to do with the pain meds, either that or my H's ADD. Your H? I have no clue what's going on.

Just wanted to tell you that I can relate! It's frustrating, isn't it?

Oh, and just wanted to say "thanks" for your encouragement on my thread today. I do REALLY appreciate it. I don't think gucci was referring directly to you. I think he just sees me trying to "explain" why I would call H back and thinks that I am going to waver. Maybe he's right, too, I don't know. I sure hope not. I hope I have the strength to continue to stand up for myself.

I just know when I feel like I'm playing a "game", and I don't want to do that because that's exactly what I won't be able to keep up, because I'm not being "real". I've never been a game player. I need my actions to come from a "true" place inside of me; I think they'll be more effective that way anyway, I think people (especially my H) can sense when I'm being "fake". I need encouragement to keep going from people like you when I DO screw up, which I am sure I will continue to do because I am NOT perfect. I'm just doing my best, and this is really hard.

Gotta add, though, that I just love gucci! I really appreciate his perspective.

Have a great night Tawnya! I'm off to hopefully get the kids to bed early, then nurse a migraine.

[lost_in_space]

((((((Tawnya))))))

I have my popcorn...

OK, maybe your H and my W should hook up for a while to see how ridiculous each of them are being... what do you think???

Hey sweetie, you handled the $$ convos like a pro IMO. When in comes to that stuff, I would suggest to treat it solely as business and try to avoid the emotions - and you have done exactly that. My W has taken $$ that we received as reimbursements of expenses that she charged to teh joint account - and she deposited the $$ to her own account. Like has been said, it all comes out in the end if it gets to that, so no sense worrrying about that now.

I am on the other side a bit. I am the BS that has taken control of $$ to ensure it is not all blown. Meeting all household expenses and legit family expenses, but no free cash lying around (and you saw one of the reults on my thread today).

They are bonkers, aren't they!!!!!

[Tawnya]

{{LIS}} LOL..yes..maybe they should..but would they realize how they are being or just encourage each other? LOLOL..thank you for the encouragement..I dunno how to do this stuff, so it's definitely a learning curve on my end

{{Love}} thank you for letting me know I'm not alone in this..I dunno what this is about..hub is usually pretty on the ball with it, so I dunno what to think about this little "moment" with my daughter and him forgetting a convo we had a week ago..LOL..BUT I feel better that you have that too!

Love, You know, if I could go back and fix my post on your site when I responded to gucci, I probably would have just deleted it..I totally saw where gucci was coming from too..but I think I came across as defensive LOL..I think I try so hard not to be that way around here in my "normal" life, I just didn't think today on here Oh well..nothing I can do now but say sorry if it comes to it!! Thank you for explaining..I think you are doing an amazing job and, if you blow it once, even in DR it talks about that, that you just pick yourself up and go on..gosh if we, in life in general, got in trouble with just one mistake, we'd all be poofed by now

Thank you for stopping by!

Tawnya

[Tawnya]

Forgot to add..thanks to Beth and my cheerleader Amy always telling me to GAL already Beth was talking about some Krav Maga classes (don't remember if I said that right..basically self defense stuff) and I went online looking to see if they had some nearby me, which they don't, BUT, while I was looking, I found this really cool looking Tai Chi classes, but they are not exactly TaiChi, actually Taiji classes, and they also do self defense and mixed martial arts, that looked REALLY cool, they had a you tube video and I liked what I saw there, so I emailed to find out when the classes start for the beginners, I think I'd really like it

Tawnya

[Tomato]

Hi T ..fm T

I was just gonna razz you for not doin enough on a Fri night other than hangin on here, but then I saw where you are researching the Krav Maga (which my older sister, the tomboy, got into rreally heavily) and the other martial arts. I have been so wanting to give the martial arts a try as well. I think it would suit me real well and of course I would excel at it ..lol. That's great. Glad to hear you are gonna do it. Race ya to it for incentive sake ..lol.

Good night and God bless you and your pursuits.

[Tawnya]

Yeah..we totally do need to race Tomato..and ACTUALLY I was good and was sitting here a few hours ago, hub got home at a decent time, and I was like "I am NOT going to just sit here" so I got into my car and drove, not having anywhere in particular to go..LOL, but just went and milled around the mall for a few hours..but it was nice to just get out

Tomato..let me know what you find near you to get into..and hopefully I'll hear back from the taiji guy soon so I can get started

Tawnya