It was NOT my intention to run an2m off your thread. I think her advice to you is often spot on. To me, things were getting heated and words were being used not to help but to hurt. I don't think any of us need to do that.

To an2m, we have been on this board for just about the same amount of time and, along with many of our friends, have lifted up and supported each other through many a load of crap. I was not trying to get you to leave or to stop posting. TOH needs ALL the advice she can get, from as many people as will take the time to offer it. If you leave, she is the one who will suffer, and I would hate to see that happen.

To TOH, it's long past time to take the great gobs of advice that people have shared with you, and finally formulate a plan beyond seeing what tomorrow brings.

Part of the reason that you cycle so much is that you do NOT have a plan of any kind. You get fired up on a particular day on a particular topic, and it goes away when your husband changes something. I think it's because there is no commitment behind any "plan" that you make.

This DB'ing is NOT flying by the seat of your pants. That is the path to frustration, disappointment, and sadness.

There are many approaches you can take with your husband. Everything from being his friend and loving him unconditionally, to going as dark as you can on him and telling him it's for YOUR emotional well being. Find something you can live with, set the plan firmly in your mind, commit yourself to following it for a period of time (weeks or a month or so), and then CARRY IT OUT.


YOU have to change the dynamics here. And at this point I would say that you should be changing the dynamics in a way that will bring YOU relief and peace, regardless of how it impacts your husband or the relationship between the two of you.


It's well past time. You are NOT a newbie here. You cannot go day after day, week after week, allowing yourself to vascillate and flounder and chalk it up to all of this being so new and so raw. Yes, it hurts like heck. Yes, you are crushed inside. But you are NOT broken.


If you were a man, I would be telling you to MAN UP. I'm not sure what the equivalent comment is to a woman.


Whatever it is......that's what you need to do.


Blessings,

Bill

"Don't tell me the sky is the limit when there are footprints on the moon."