how could i be a whore if we arent having sex??????? an idiot maybe..... i wasnt trying to be mean spirited I steered her to your posts even!!! IMHO she needs serious help to stop seeiing her H and her M thru rose colored glasses.....maybe i can make her mad nuff to take a long hard look and do something for herself. Its sad to see her hurt cycle after cycle with her H and its always the same
but hey im gone......
Me 53 H 51 OW 25 Bomb may 06 left june 8/ 06 ILYBNILWY (twice!) 7/6/07 H wants to come home 7/21/07 H comes home 7/07 -7/08 long haul letting go of OW now piecing in earnest
I think AN2M was just trying really hard to get you to see that your H is abusive. Just because he isn't rotten 24/7/365 doesn't excuse all the bad stuff. He hit you, right?
Anyway, you are still orbiting around him. I realize it is practically impossible for you to detach while working with him on the farm. At some point you might just have to force him sell up. He's never had to suffer any consequences for his actions, and you can't go on like this forever (although he probably expects you to).
Oh I forgot...thought it while i was doing my barn chores....Im sorry TOH....Bye
Me 53 H 51 OW 25 Bomb may 06 left june 8/ 06 ILYBNILWY (twice!) 7/6/07 H wants to come home 7/21/07 H comes home 7/07 -7/08 long haul letting go of OW now piecing in earnest
TOH, I have been following your sitch for a long time....you have been given LOTS of great advice by both A New 2morro and Bill; but, you don't follow any of it.
You are still centering your life around your H and what he is or is not going to do. You have got to find a way to move on with your life, without him. Maybe then, he will see what he has left behind. As long as he can have his cake and eat it too, this cycle is going to continue. You have got to find a way to put your foot down and set some boundaries. I know it's not always easy; but, you might get surprised.
IMHO she needs serious help to stop seeing her H and her M thru rose colored glasses.....maybe i can make her mad nuff to take a long hard look and do something for herself. Its sad to see her hurt cycle after cycle with her H and its always the same
but hey im gone......
She is in denial and has no respect for herself.
Why would her H have respect for her?
As Bworl said you need to ‘set him free’; preferably, at speed, from tip of your boot.
He is having his cake and eating it, time to let him know the party is over..
Nutty
Be The Greener Grass.
Me 40 H 42 Son 11 Married 15 years. Left May 2006 after gambling spree I had EA August 2006 OW Aug 07 after another gambling spree (she will make me happy - stop me gambling!) I filed for divorce 9th April 2008.
More importantly, we have NOT lived their life with them.
This is very true.
I think sometimes we can come across as not being kind because some of us have been there and to some, it is like reliving some of what is going on and it can stir up all sorts of emotions.
It is difficult to let go, forgive, live day to day and I admit it takes awhile, and yes, we do take steps backward as well. We live, we learn and hopefully, we are able to come out a better and stronger person.
The Bomb: 08/05 H moves out: 06/2006 H moves back: 01/07 & Out again: 01/07 H moves back: 03/08 & Out again: 04/08 H moves back: 05/09 & Out again: 07/09 Divorced 08-12 Kids: 22, 20, 19
This is going to get you in trouble over and over. No it won't, never again. I lived it and learned from it. It was not worth it, she is not worth it, H is not worth it. Life is not fair and yes, she may have ruined other people's lives but who are you to take it upon yourself to go and beat her up the way you did. Let a higher authority take care of her, not you. Like they say, "what goes around comes around" But at least I got in my two cents worth.
I am sure your H is not impressed that his wife busted into someone's home and beat up a woman. As I said before, It didn't/doesn't matter what my H thought. Period. You may have felt betTer afterwards but look what it got you. Your right, and it did for a second, in the end it was not worth it.
You have to seek some sort of help to deal with your emotions because you are also on probation, am I correct? Yes I am on probation, but there is NO WAY IN HELL I will go to jail ever again for someone/something so not worth my freedom. I am a smart woman and I will not let myself do something so stupid ever again. Don't need help to learn from my mistakes.
M41 H42 D17 Adopted N14 M22 T24 "Bomb" 4/07 Sep 8/07 Admitted OW 11/07(only to me) OW back 12/4/07 PA on off thru 7/08 says done w/OW but not coming home 8/08 D final 7/09 Moving on and up!!
None of us should be so arrogant as to classify another person's life based on the crap they are currently going through. Exactly
Say what you have to say, offer your advice, but leave the judgemental remarks in your head. No one who is going through a mess like we have all gone through needs to come HERE, our place of SAFETY, and get verbally bashed on a regular basis. Thank you
Just MY humble opinion. And well apreciated
M41 H42 D17 Adopted N14 M22 T24 "Bomb" 4/07 Sep 8/07 Admitted OW 11/07(only to me) OW back 12/4/07 PA on off thru 7/08 says done w/OW but not coming home 8/08 D final 7/09 Moving on and up!!
IMHO she needs serious help to stop seeiing her H and her M thru rose colored glasses.....And just how is it you see my M and H an2m? You have never met us, you have NO idea how things are in my world. Right now I'll agree they are 100% messed up. But 3 years ago I couldn't have asked for more. My life was just as I wanted it to be. maybe i can make her mad nuff to take a long hard look and do something for herself. What the hell do you think I've been doing the last 19 1/2 months? I am doing EXACTLY what I want to do. I want to save my M and be together with my H again. Not because I can't make it out there on my own. Not because I don't feel like I deserve to be treated better. Not because I am a pathetic fool that doesn't think she can find someone else. But because I WANT to be M to Mr. TOH, I want to stay on this farm. I want to finish what he and I started so many years ago. Its sad to see her hurt cycle after cycle with her H and its always the same I can't argue with this. I hurt every day. But each day I get stronger. Somedays I do fall back down, but the next I pick myself back up and move forward again. An2m, I have no idea where this road is leading me. I pray it is the way to finding that happiness again. Something better I hope. Only God know's the answer to this. Just as you and everyone else here, I have to find my own way. If H wakes up and decides to come along, then all the better. But for now I'm doing the best I can.
M41 H42 D17 Adopted N14 M22 T24 "Bomb" 4/07 Sep 8/07 Admitted OW 11/07(only to me) OW back 12/4/07 PA on off thru 7/08 says done w/OW but not coming home 8/08 D final 7/09 Moving on and up!!
I think AN2M was just trying really hard to get you to see that your H is abusive. Just because he isn't rotten 24/7/365 doesn't excuse all the bad stuff. He hit you, right? Ann I was abused when I was a kid. I know exactly what abuse is. My H does not physically abuse me. He can be mean. No he can be a real a*s, but never has he abused me. Wish I could play a video of my life. That's the only way I could prove what I'm saying. Since MLC yes, he's went waaay over board.
Anyway, you are still orbiting around him. I realize it is practically impossible for you to detach while working with him on the farm. At some point you might just have to force him sell up. And I'm not denying this will not happen. Just not today or tomorrow. He's never had to suffer any consequences for his actions, something I struggle with each and every day. But that's for him and God to settle. and you can't go on like this forever Very true(although he probably expects you to).
Sorry. Thanks Ann
M41 H42 D17 Adopted N14 M22 T24 "Bomb" 4/07 Sep 8/07 Admitted OW 11/07(only to me) OW back 12/4/07 PA on off thru 7/08 says done w/OW but not coming home 8/08 D final 7/09 Moving on and up!!
