I have missed you SPM. I have had some really dark days.
He also makes sexual references to me etc. I am Dbing my heart out except the bit about GAL. I am slooooooooowly creeping towards it. I think i am worried that I may become vulnerable to another mans interest when I know that , that is not want i want. i can understand that when I do little things fo me , then i feel good. My mood lifts. Also when I am upbeat in the shop, my customers feel better.
i have not taken the anti depressants.
Can you update me on your sitch. Have there been any improvements?
I had a good day yesterday but feel pretty crap today. It is the silence that I hate.
I am so impatient to be important to someone again. i think that is the hardest thing. Friends and family are all good but to not have a significant other care about your day , or miss you is the tough bit.
The no or reduced contact by me is good Dbing but why does he not call. e is very stubborn and he knows me very well. He knows i will eventually drum up an excuse to call. I can go for long periods with out doing this but it does take a lot of energy.
how long is to long to wait ?
I know he is thinking about me sexually. Every conversation it is introduced and I am asked if I miss him for that. He has commented on looking good. I dont know if they are baby steps or if what.
My first goal is to have him call me ! My second goal is to have him make a date !
well his comments are good for your sitch; because at least you know that there is still attraction between the two of you. Given this information, I feel that eventually he will come back around. But you have got to have your DB game going well to make it work.
It takes as long as it takes, that's the answer to your "how long" question. There is no specific time table.
You have aroused his physical interest. Good first step for him. A man has to be physically interested. Now you have to continue to hold back on the needy and pursuing actions to prevent pushing him away as he steps back in slowly, if he's doing that.
I like your goals. I think that they are reasonable. What are some goals for yourself? do you have any?
To get off the sleeping pills. To get appetite back To let go of H - which C says I am doing slowly To not get angry but think I am going to hve to.
Dam it I know i have confidence, persoanlity and looks ( without soundin vain ) i have been sorry, he knows i will never do anything like affair again , he knows i am hurting and STILL he does not come round !!!!!
christmas in the park tonight in the city and i would love love love to go with him. He wont ask. I know he wont go.
I am frightened that I will turn to another man to get over this and i know that it is the wrong thing to do.
everyone thinks h behaviour is just punishing and he wants to get even. That helps me a little bit right now BUT where is my self esteem if I think it is okay to do this!
H mother has just called and asked me to her place for family christams tommorrow. She was crying and said that she had talked to her other son and he was contacting H to let him know of her wishes.
Do i go? Do I discuss it with H ? Do I just consider the kids in this sitch - they would like me to go ? What would Dbers do ? What is the Db thing to do considering I am giving H his space with the hope he heals and recognises what we are loosing ! I am not bothered about going
M, I have thought of this as it applies to my sitch. What am I going to do if my in-laws want me around for Christmas. I was invited for Thanksgiving so. I've thought I would leave it up to the kids. that's just me thinking about my sitch.
Let me digress back to my earlier post about your H and his attraction toward you. You have mentioned that he still talks sexually toward you; if you get in close quarters and he makes advances, are you going to give in? I think that having sex with him should be the last thing you do right now with OW in the mix.
Just wanted to make sure to mention that since you're vulnerable to him right now.
No I would not have sex with him. Actually I think it is all talk.
I just saw him in the mall now and he is sooooooooo distant. It really upsets me. I told him about his mothers call and he said "I dont care if you come to dinner. I just said that I would not be inviting you"
Horrible horrible horrible
Yesterday he was quite jovial on phone, today after what I believe is a night out with OW he is horrible. God what do I do
Ok Why would he not invite me? Why is this becoming so ugly? Why does he not call when things like this happen ? He stands to loose so much info about his kids if i was to do the same. He seems to have just underneath surface anger and non interest. I could shake him !
It is so inconsistant and cold. Which I was over this man
No I would not have sex with him. Actually I think it is all talk.
I just saw him in the mall now and he is sooooooooo distant. It really upsets me. I told him about his mothers call and he said "I dont care if you come to dinner. I just said that I would not be inviting you"
Horrible horrible horrible
Yesterday he was quite jovial on phone, today after what I believe is a night out with OW he is horrible. God what do I do
Mof3,
Hard to say, but generally when someone is involved with an OP, bad moods = good for you, good moods = bad for you.
If your H is in a bad mood it could be a number of things like he's in conflict about what he's doing, he's in conflict with the feelings he has for you but doesn't WANT to have, things aren't so wonderful with the OW.
Good moods are actually worse. That means he's fine with his decisions and everything is great in OW land.
So my take would be, if you believe he was out with OW and he was then horrible, that's a GOOD thing.
Hope4us
Me - 49, W 49 S22 & S18 Dday 9/4/07 W claims NC 4/7/08 8/29/09 - Divorce Busted. Lots to work through, but we're going to make it.
The emotions that you are going thru are all normal.....what we do with them is the most important! You have a rite to be angry....what you do with it is most important. Same with the other emotions you are going thru. Anger/pain/ love...I know they are ALL there rite now...deal with them 1 at a time. It will seem hard at first to do because they are ALL rite at the very top. Just because you feel 1 way rite this very second....does not make that 1 the winner. You have to let them each go thru you....this does not mean taking them out on H....sometimes just typing this stuff up is not enough. For awhile when I would become angry at my W I would do pull ups and chin ups and push ups till I was exhausted!! Other times I would call my mom and yell about what was happening to me to her. Once I actually turned up the stereo real loud....and walked around the house yelling lime a mad man!!
Hope this rambling on helps somewhat.....
H 34 W 31 M 11yrs D 11 D 9
6-1-08 I wanted to fix marriage 6-11-08 I found out about OM
