I had to chime in and say that I too would ignore it. I think it could just be habit. I say that because for a while, I did that kind of thing to my H periodically on the phone..."Okay, talk to you tomorrow, hon." And, I was consciously trying not to...since that was definitely not good DBing!
Just my $0.02!1
Me 39 H 36 S 7 S 4 T 15 M 12 H out 8/1/08 OW confirmed 8/6/08 D final on 6/12/09...I'm doing good!
Amy...that's what I think too; that it's just habit for her. I just don't like hearing it; turns me off and it was weird that it made me kinda angry.
Tawnya...I'm taking Mike's word; He's been doing this longer. I believe I might have to detach more. Thanks for feeding my ego; but let's face it, if just her saying "honey" has this effect, there is still some attachment. Detachment, totally, would cause it to have no effect. Like they say about WAS, if they get angry with you; that shows emotion and that's a little positive because it shows you care. ya know what I mean?
I think when you are fully detached you won't even hear her say it..for now..I'd act "as if" I did not hear it..why give her the satisfaction of knowing you hear it?? JMO
I think you're right Mike. Any evoking of emotion still shows some attachment.
Good call. gotta work on this. Not a real big impediment; but one nonetheless.
when I heard her call me "honey"; I actually got mad. had to sit and take a breather to relax.
I blew up at my W when she did this many weeks ago and I regret it. She did it last night and then corrected herself and said my name. It may be a force of habit thing or it may have been bait. If it is bait, when you don't acknowledge it, they get no emotional lift from it. That sends a stronger message than saying something postive or negative about it. Don't play into the drama, just detach and let her worry about you.
M42 S12/D9 T17/M12 Bomb 1 3/22/06 Bomb 2 7/11/08 Bomb 3 7/31/08 W Filed 8/1/08 D granted 12/17/08 D Finalized 1/29/09
A man who compromises his principles never had them in the first place.
{{{Tom}}} Oh..you are totally right about obviously having some sort of feeling there..I just think "holy crap, if Tom is having to still detach.." LOL
Tawnya
Me:39 H:40 D18/S12 M20/T21 Bomb 10/11/08 One Two Three Four
Wish someone had a receipe for detaching - cause i know the second I let H go, the better and more focused a mum I will be.
I think it would be easier to run away than do this. In some respects i can understand how Wives do just leave. It is a bit like suicide though, you can understand the need to alleviate the pain, just know you cant do it.
You make a very valid point IMO. It would be EASIER TO RUN. Hell, giving up would be so easy right now... but in the long run could I look back and say it was the right thing? And I think that is what a lot of us here struggle with.
Is there anything really good in life that does not come without challenges? Is there anything really good that comes easy? Don't think so (or at least very rare). Sure, at some point, after the battles have been waged, the victory may not be what we thought it would be, but we do not go down without a fight.
Hope that makes some sense!!??!! It is Friday night after all...
Take care. (and MC, sorry for rambling on your thread)
LIS
M45 WW 43 D17/S14/D11
ILYB Jan 08 PA Conf Feb 08 OMW / OM contacted S Jan / 09
No one ever has, or ever will, escape the consequences of their actions.
