23 months on a rollercoaster: dizzy

[stella_k]

Dear (((Goldey, Addie, SMW and Andabelle))), thank you!

It's done. We called her and H has told her everything. He didn't try to excuse his actions. It was so hard, D17 was very brave and didn't say much. I spoke with her also and told her that we both love her more than we can tell, and always will. She said: I know that. She was crying and I was crying too. I said, I'm so sorry that I didn't tell you the truth, we were trying to protect you. She said: I understand, I love you too.
My poor baby, I hated him so much for what he did to her, to us.
Of course, it turned into R talk. H has told me that he's unhappy with OW and the life with her is not what he thought it would be, but he still doesn't want to come back to me and wants to try and live alone. It wasn't totally unexpected and I handled it better than I thought I'd ever be able. I've told him that I need time to heal now and asked him to stop calling me, now that D17 knows, there is no need to communicate so often. I also told him that I need to start living my life and it seems not to be possible with him in the picture. I want him out of my life for good. It is true. I've been in Limboland way too long, now I'm back to the way I was in August - it's over.
I guess, I've thrown in the towel and H finally understood it.
He asked if he can come over tomorrow to bring me some CDs (something he thought I may want) and I said NO. Please, don't. Let me heal. If I will need you I will give you a call, I promise.
I was friendly, but firm. Once the convo with D17 was over, I stopped crying. H was crying when he left. Strange, but I really don't care right now, may be I'm just numb. But DBing is over for me, I feel free to start living the rest of my life without H.
Sorry, guys, I turned out to be a quitter after all.

I think, it is also a good bye. I've been off the boards many times and kept coming back, for love and support and wisdom from all of you. I will take my time now. Thank you, my friends, for always been there for me, sharing your thoughts, encouraging me in every step I took. Now I will start making my own baby steps - towards my new life.

(((Hugs))) and good luck, all of you.