Another Wife Hit By The Bomb #4

[jame38]

T
I just wanted to stop by and say hi and hope u have a good day!

[Tawnya]

Aww thanks {{James}} Glad you are still around

[Tawnya]

Can I just say that ARGH..I'm irritated at my hub today..I DO have a PMA and everything..but I'm gonna vent, cause I know that's part of what this site is about

Rant on:

OK..so my hub has been setting aside money, working a buttload of overtime for the past few months and has about $1400 set aside..just withdrew it from "our" account, which I knew about, and put it into his "new and sole" account wherever..ok..so that's not really my rant about the new account..BUT

OK..so our daughter is about to turn 18 in a month, she will be trying to go to college next year AND she needs a newer car than the one she is driving..WHY can't he see what a selfish JERK he is being spending that money on himself and/or the OW and/or getting a new place to live instead of seeing that SHE needs these things..at least this money would have been a great downpayment on a newer car for her (she drives a 1991 Explorer that we drove for a while, has no a/c, windows messed up, etc)?!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! It just ticks me to no end because, unfortunately, by myself, I can't get her extra money for that unless I get a second job, which I may do..because, dang it, she doesn't ask for anything and we should be able to bless her..

But can I tell my husband these things?? NO..because then I'm "trapping him" or trying to dictate things to him..tho I really want to!!!!!

OK..sigh..rant over

Tawnya

[Amy M]

((((((Tawnya))))))

I'm so sorry your H is selfish like mine!!!! It seems that's a theme, huh? Selfish WAS's!!!

I think you can bring up the fact that you think D needs a better car for next year. Just don't make it in relation to his removing the money from the account. Even if you D, big expenses like that will have to be shared. He could just say no about the car, but then he'd have to face why he was saying no.

For the longest time after H left, he would make comments about how nice it must be for me to be able to go out to dinner with friends, etc...that he must be letting me keep too much money cause he never had money to do those things. After a few very calm explanations from me that he had more disposable income than I did by far he was just choosing to spend his on rent and power at the new place he finally got the message. And, then he actually began to feel a little guilty about it I think. He bought S7's b'day gift...it was a little bit pricey, but he made a huge deal of it being from both of us, and he's never mentioned that I needed to give him any money towards that.

He'll eventually see where he's gone wrong. But, in the meantime, expenses for the kids are just as much his responsibility as they ever were!

Love you!!
Amy

p.s. Thanks for the cheesecake! It's one of my favorites!!!

[Tawnya]

{{Amy}} Thank you..he KNOWS our daughter needs a new car, so that's where the problem comes in..do I say something about it or not..but then again, it's not like he doesn't KNOW she needs it..he's not thinking about that right now tho..and, if I bring it up, then I'm being "whatever" about it..

You are welcome for the cheesecake, it was pretty good

Tawnya

[Amy M]

You can bring it up again...I my opinion that's not the same as pursuing him. You believe that your child has a need, and he has an obilgation to help meet that need. You would have that same convo with him even if you were D'ed, so, I think it's appropriate.

But, if she doesn't need it right now, then I wouldn't bring it up now...cause then he'll know it's related to him taking the money out and he'll possibly think you are trying to guilt him into changing his behavior. Maybe that can be part of the settlement discussion he wants to have...how are you going to handle D's expenses in the future (cause technically, he's not going to have to pay child support for her and he's not required by law to fund college)?

My attorney told me to include everything in our settlement...especially college expenses including room and board, etc. Cause if you don't, and he marries someone else, he may not be concerned so about helping your kids. I told the attorney that he'd always put them first...she just smiled and said, "Amy, if he lives with a new wife, and he has to choose between upsetting you and upsetting her, which will he choose? If you can honestly say that he'd choose to upset her, then don't include it. But, I'm here to tell you that it won't happen that way." She's right! Just keep that in mind if you get to that point.

Hugs to you!

Amy

[Tawnya]

{{Amy}} Thank you..yep hub and I actually had a similar discussion when I found out the OW had 3 kids already..and he said "oh our kids will always come first" and I'm like "right..when OW's kid needs something and you are with them and not us..yeah..that'll happen"..so it definitely is something that, sigh, I should bring up later..not now cause it IS related to the money taken out deal..just that it's ticking me off LOL!

Thank you for "talking me down"..

Tawnya

[Tomato]

Hi Tawnya

Just wanted to say a quick hello & I hope you are nurturing the bond that matter most of all. Your bond with Jesus of Nazareth. I will keep praying for you and your's. Remember He is your first and foremost H.

T

[VeronicaV]

{{{{Tawnya}}}}

Here I am hugging away!!!! I am sorry you are having a rough time today. I know hiw hard it is when we start feeling really angry, hurt, down, you name the negative emotion.

I also suspect you came to ask for a hug because you are worried about me. That would be just like you.;). I am okay. Very busy at work and really, feeling a bit better since last night. I really cannot quite explain it. It's just sort of sinking in, I guess, that there really is nothing I can do to help/change H.

I am still scared he'll never come back, never heal all that bad stuff, just accepting, slowly that that is out of my hands. Just give me a few days, though, I am sure I'll be back crying my eyes out.

You know how I said I have been scared to death that I am going to get a call in the middle of the night saying H has had a heart attack? Phone rang last night at 1:00 a.m. Scared the life out of me. It was some guy speaking some foreign language (not French, I speak that one and not Spanish, I would recognize that one). Just a wrong number but man did it get my adrenaline pumping. Kind of funny, right?

Sorry, did not mean to turn this into a post all about me. I am sorry you are having a bad time. I'll be aroung tonight and will check on you then.

Hang in there!
Beth

[Tawnya]

{{{Tomato}}} Thank you so much..you totally helped me put things back into perspective and I appreciate it VERY much..without God right now I'd totally be a basket case no doubt and you are right, HE is the best husband ever!

{{{Beth}}} Aww my friend..thank you for the hugs..so you were half right I wanted a hug and your input on the sitch and it was great to see you too..don't be sorry you turned it into a post about you..since I came to check in on YOU..it was good to hear you are doing well..I am SO glad about that!! I don't want you back here crying your eyes out..just back checking in and telling me how great you are doing

Oh man about the phone call...YES that would definitely get your adrenaline pumping and get you thinking again..glad it didn't totally throw off the "new calmer you"!

Tawnya