You are STILL blaming your own personal failures on your wife's shortcomings.
No, I'm making a logical observation that under different circumstances things would have BEEN different. I don't blame her, I blame myself. I lived with my fears and hurt and only I could fix them - and I didn't. I think that IF I was in a relationship with someone who was stronger then THEY might have been able to give me the catalyst I needed. I think you mean the kick in the ass but I disagree that this is necessarily a "logical" observation. It still feels to me like too much stake is put in another person, ANY other person, for something that has to be handled by you. ALWAYS HAD TO BE! Perhaps my perception is off... That's all.
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If that's what we're all doing then I get to blame my crap on my mom and on the fact Jeff drank too much and just didn't understand me! OH GOODY! It's not MY fault I had a MLC! It's my mother's - she set me up for it! It's not MY fault I had an affair! My husband should have paid better attention to me and saw the warning signs that I might stray! It's not MY fault I treated a man that busted his ass to take care of me like dog crap! It's all HIS fault! He should have taken better care of me and I wouldn't have fallen!
That almost sounds like my W talking. THAT is sarcasm talking and I don't really think that sounds like your wife - at least nothing that's been relayed here.
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WHEN THE FLIP ARE YOU GONNA STOP IT - OWN YOUR SH*T - AND PRESS THE HELL ON THANKING GOD THAT TODAY, YOU KNOW WHAT YOU NEED TO KNOW TO STOP THE INSANITY???
Now. There is no way she will ever come back. OMG - this can not have anything at all to DO with her Frank. Something is amiss - something is gnawing at me and I can't put my finger on it. It's like you are still basing too many of your actions, thoughts, etc...on the things SHE says and does. "Well she says...therefore I must..." DUDE. YOU NEED TO WANT TO HELP YOURSELF and I am feeling that the only reason you are even remotely interested in doing that is because it MIGHT get some kind of positive response from HER. It's done. She 'loves' me but doesn't want me. Her friends have helped convince her that she will be happy some day, maybe get married again. There's nothing left but me. So, I need to start from scratch and rebuild me.
And yes, I don't blame her any more. It's pretty clear what happened and how I failed Knowing it and living ABOVE it are two different things. I hope you will rise above it . I know what I need to do to stop the insanity. Don't forget the part where you forgive yourself, Frank.
