Greetings Jayce,

I wanted offer you some encouragement and applaud your recent efforts at breaking out of the ongoing 'mother-child' relationship you've had with your husband. I haven't read Michele's Getting Through to the Man You Love, but it sounds perfect for your situation. I honestly think that the more you can give him room to just "be his own man," bad habits and all, and just love him as he is (and tell him so), the more likely he will be to pursue an intimate relationship with you (and actually listen when you do give him advice).

I know from personal experience that back in the days when our marriage was beginning to fail, the more my wife nagged and harped about what I was doing wrong or what I was failing to do for her and the kids, the more I would resist her and withdraw from her. I didn't want to be intimate with her --> I felt like I was under constant attack and completely unacceptable to her. In our case, things got worse when she gave up completely and withdrew from me, and we bagan living separate, parellel lives in the same house, with minimal connection and interaction. We've come a long, long way in our repair work this past year, and have learned a LOT about each other in the process, including what our respective needs / desires are, and how to more effectively communicate our needs more effectively to each other.

You're on the right track. Keep at it!

-- B.


Me 50, W 45, M for 26 yrs
S25, D23, S13, S10
20+ year SSM; recovery began Oct 2007