Well I hadn't heard from H by the time I left work so I texted him on my way home....no response...then about an hour later he texts me and says he's in a meeting and he would call me...I texted back and said it wasnt fair for him to make me wait and he said he didnt want to call me at work and upset me...I told him I was already upset all day....this was all texts...then I texted back and said is it bad...he said, well the attorney didn't think so....I said, I think I'm going to throw up and he said,:dont, it will work out somehow:...then he texted me to tell me he F***** up and parked in a handicap parking meter....yep....got a fine....$250....WTF...I said, "I dont' even know what to say anymore....
The good news...no back support....the bad news...$530 a month..that we DONT have...H said he will start working extra at his stores to make extra money....then this is what he said...OMG...I about flipped out on him...
Me: you have no idea how bad this hurts.. H: Yes I do, it hurts me to but it is what it is...I pulled over on the side of the road today and sobbed just like you are doing...I didnt sleep, and I went through Taco Bell drive thru and thought I was at Burger King...
Me: I haven't slept either....I've felt like this for 2 years now.
H: I've been dealing with this for 10 years. Me: I really don't care how long you have been dealing with it. H: I'm sorry... Me:sobbing uncontrollably....(sorry folks..couldn't help it)... H: She really isnt doing this to be vindictive.. me: Are you kidding? then why would she do it to begin with..Oh and by the way....I may sue both of you for emotional distress.. H; You cant' do that... ME: Oh yes I can, ask your attorney...all I have to do is prove you caused me and my children emotional distress...and I can.. H: then you'll cause me to lose my job...
H: She said she's going to take the money and put it towards his college education. Me: we can't even afford to pay for our own children's education and we are going to pay for his.... H: I know treese...D21's car will be paid off in Feb...there's $300; and we can get rid of the phone, the paper.... Me: why do we have to take everything of MINE away...you are out living the life while I'm trying to hold everything together here. H: I'm working all the time treese.. Me: still crying... H: well, my moms calling me... hung up....
Now....he tried to put the guilt trip on me AGAIN...he still controls my emotions...I hate it....it's time to fight back...
One good thing is that the relationship with his OW will be strained to the max...he has to take time with his other kid and mine and work 2 jobs...good luck with that....
So, I've cried, I've screamed....and I am at a total loss of words right now...I haven't eaten...
I've prayed...I've done it all....I feel abandoned...
So....H was talking the "We" stuff again...we can pay the car off, we can get rid of the phone...where is the "we" in all this..he wants the divorce...but now we really can't afford one.. at least not now...and he wants to get his own place....with what?
Thanks for letting me vent...and thanks for all your prayers...please keep them coming...I need them now more than ever....
Treese
H 49 M 45 D 23, D17, S12 M 25 T 31 01/07 OW H at my door w/proof Bomb ILYBINILWY 06/07 Sep 01/08 headed for the greener grass, Mar08.B#2H has child who is 9 11/08 pos.paternity
I am so sorry to hear the lastest. You know what???? Let him worry about it. He did this and put you and the kids in this sitch, let him worry about it. He still needs to help you and your kids. Let him work his butt off. Don't stop the paper or the phone. He will soon feel the pinch.
Hang in there. I am sorry for my words but it really made me angry!!!
It is not up to you to provide for this other child.
Does he think you will contribute with your salary or that he will contribute less to your household?
He is a mess and he does not see a way out. Of course, that is what happens and now, he is paying the price.
The Bomb: 08/05 H moves out: 06/2006 H moves back: 01/07 & Out again: 01/07 H moves back: 03/08 & Out again: 04/08 H moves back: 05/09 & Out again: 07/09 Divorced 08-12 Kids: 22, 20, 19
Treese, I am sorry. Looking for positives here,at least the waiting is over. You / he know what he/you have to deal with. He did show some emotion and that he has been thinking/worrying about it for along time. I am not sure if you have a financial separation in place or how it will affect any future settlement for you and your children. I guess the sueing comment was made in the heat of the moment as it would appear he has no more money.
Treese at least you know you have been through the worst and there will be no more bombshells. You survived. What is done is done,the child cannot just disappear. Take some time for you now, try to let it go for a while at least whilst you regain your strength. It is H's problem and it sounds like he intends to deal with it (extra hours working). I know it will affect you all to some extent just try to look after you and yours. Really don't know what else to say? I guess H has a point about loosing his job, that would not be in anyone's interest. There are no winners in situations like these. You have your job and your children. Let your H deal with his problem. Step back for awhile. You are working on emotional overdrive and need to be concerned about your own health. Hugs to you Treese.
This morning I am numb....shed a few tears but not many....don't know if I have anymore....unfortunately I have to deal with the reality of it all...I am just going to try and take it one day at a time...I have to...
Yes, he is going to start working extra...he has to...I refuse to pay for this child....especially since my H is now with another person...not even with me...absolutely not....I deserve to live my life as I have been....
He has to be in a panic right now....which is why he told me he is a zombie....of course he is....now he is living to support 3 households....wouldn't be surprised if he doesn't have a nervous breakdown sometime soon...but not my problem....I am not going to contact him at all....I have no reason to anymore...he can come get S11 and spend time with him but that will be my extent...let him swim in this mess for now....I'm all out of energy....
Treese
H 49 M 45 D 23, D17, S12 M 25 T 31 01/07 OW H at my door w/proof Bomb ILYBINILWY 06/07 Sep 01/08 headed for the greener grass, Mar08.B#2H has child who is 9 11/08 pos.paternity
(((Treese))) Maybe he thinks you will help him pay for the child because you got all his paperwork together for him before court and told him you would stand behind him. Please don't enable him anymore.
Treese sorry about the latest developments. Let your h figure it out. He is the one that created this let him be the one to put a plan in place for himself. If he needs to work 3 jobs well then that is what HE will need to do.
Take care of yourself and your kids. Hugs!
Me 50 H 42 S 22 S 9 D 7 M 12 T 17 H moved out 8/2006 H moved home 1/2007 for 3 weeks H moved home 5/2011 for good
"Learn from yesterday ~ Live for today ~ And hope for tomorrow"
Treese, Please do not enable your h. If he has to work 3-4 jobs to pay child support, then he will have to do it. You should not have to cut out anything that you have or are doing right now. He's the one that has created this mess. You should not be punished for him committing adultery and getting caught in the process.
Treese, it's time to protect you and your children. Protect your assets and make sure that you have something in place that ensures that you are not liable for his child support for the little boy. This is his responsibility...not yours, especially with him not even living w/you.
Sending you warm and positive thoughts this evening.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Everyone....I'm just soooooo scared....truly....how will I survive...and why do I feel bad for him....someone hit me with a 2x4...ppplllleeeeaaaaassssseeeee!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Treese
H 49 M 45 D 23, D17, S12 M 25 T 31 01/07 OW H at my door w/proof Bomb ILYBINILWY 06/07 Sep 01/08 headed for the greener grass, Mar08.B#2H has child who is 9 11/08 pos.paternity
You feel bad for him because you love him. You can't fix this problem for him. The only thing you can do is let him go for now and let him find a way to repair the damage.
Treese, you've got to save you and your kids. You cannot go down into the financial hole with him. You cannot save him.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
