My H came over and hung out at the house last Sunday. It was nice and relaxing. My H made soup while I put Christmas lights on the house...kind of funny.
I was out Monday night my H called several times and sent me a text asking what I was doing. I can't remember the last time he has done that...maybe because I usually answer my phone...I think I should stop being so accessible.
Tuesday we met for a drink and something said during caused me to ask why he can't make a decision and stick with it...he talked about how he has issues with finances. All of his excuses make me want to scream. When I left, he said he would call me later and never did.
Wednesday we didn't have much contact...my H busy preparing for trial.
Yesterday morning did something out of the norm and I called him to ask if he wanted to go to dinner. He told me he would meet me but it may just be quick if he had to go back to work. He called me later in the day and told me that this trial is now postponed until Feb. (no wonder our legal system moves so slow!). So we met for dinner. We were having a nice time and most of the conversation was consumed by my H talking about work. I made a huge mistake by asking him if we could continue the conversation from a few days before about his financial issues. I guess I pushed it a little and he ended up getting mad and said okay you obviously want to talk about so let's talk. He complained about how he just wanted to relax because he was so stressed about this trial and now that stress is lifted. I made another mistake by trying to change the subject to New Year's and asked if we could do something. He asked what. I told him I didn't know. He seemed irritated that I was talking about it. The whole evening went downhill from there. He was mad. I was hurt. I told him that I don't want to do this anymore. When he walked me to my car, he hugged me and I just lost it. I started sobbing. I told him that I want someone who wants to be with me. He said he does otherwise he wouldn't be there. My H just said he would come over Sat and we could just start over. He called me on the way home but he didn't want to really talk about anything.
My H's work schedule and how he uses it to keep distance between us, frustrates me. He got this little reprieve since he won't be in trial now until Jan. so I guess I feel like if something doesn't change now, nothing will change for many more months. I'm trying not to feel that way but I do. I know I need to let it go if I can...I am working on it but it is hard. Sometimes I just want to tell him to come home or let me go.
